Incumbent MP Challenges His Rival To A Duel
Reply
Monthly Archives: December 2019
Local Celeb Rushes Back from The Jungle To Stand As Brexit Party Candidate
Breaking Breaking News… Local Celeb “Robbed” Of His Crown
Breaking jungle based reality TV news literally just in as it happens… If you’re watching I’m A Celebrity live like me you will know that local celebrity Jack Agoogoo has come second as we saw Eastenders‘ Peggy Mitchell (Actress Jackie Tossa) crowned Queen of The Jungle. Some would say she is a worthy winner but not all. Jack’s sister Nelly has just texted me from Australia “the smug cockney cow better keep out my way as I had bet a weeks wages on Jack winning.” Before adding “He was f****ing robbed and I want a recount” If there is a recount i’ll let you know, but congratulations to Jack anyway. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Celebrity Reporter. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette
Breaking News… Local Celeb Smashes Bushtucker Trial
Breaking jungle based reality TV news literally just in… If you’re watching I’m A Celebrity live like me you will know that local celebrity and Kajagoogo tribute act Jack Agoogoo is in the last three in camp and is rightfully the bookies favourite to win tonight (so keep voting). He has just smashed the bushtucker trial tucking into platefuls of cock, ball, fannies, anusses and appearing to enjoy every hairy mouthful… I can’t see him losing, the man is a total legend as i believe younger readers would say! Only half an hour left until we see him crowned King of The Jungle. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Celebrity Reporter. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette
Christmas Lights (Re) Switch On Tomorrow… Or Wednesday
Good morning Beckworth. Just a reminder that tomorrow evening (or Wednesday if we don’t get replacement light bulbs in time) the actor who played Bungle the bear in 1970s rock band Rainbow will be switching on Beckworth’s Christmas lights. We tested the lights a few nights ago but they all blew hence the postponement of the great switch on… Mr Bungle has said he is happy stay on to meet his fans after the switch-on (he’ll be in the Blind Badger pub) and you can buy autographed photos from him there. The theme of this year’s Christmas display is misshapen vegetables due to the display being sponsored by local misshapen grocer Greg “Masterchef” Wallace. See you tomorrow, or Wednesday, thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor
Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Joyful (And Triumphant?)…
This is a message to all of you who want to watch the I’m A Celebrity final amongst other drunk fans… Yes your favourite pub, and contestant Jack A-GooGoos local boozer (until he was barred for fondling a barmaid) is hosting an evening of Jungle “joy” to cheer him on . The featured ale at the pub is Bushtucker Vile and anyone wearing just a loin cloth will get entered into a prize draw to win a scratched Kajagoogoo CD we recently found in a run-down charity shop. See you this evening! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue
Local Celeb Likely To Go All The Way In The Jungle…
Breaking jungle based reality TV news just in… If you’ve been watching I’m A Celebrity you’ll know that our very own local celebrity, Jack Agoogoo has been working his “magic” on the ever so dull reality show by offering back rubs and happy endings to the lady contestants… And in an exclusive smutty text message to yours truly (from a sneaked in mobile) Jack told me he believes he’s on course to go all the way on the show… I thought he meant he liked his chances of winning the show but when he texted back he said he meant getting his wicked way with some of “the birds” on the show… Before adding even the lesbian one! Good luck to Jack, he certainly puts the reality into reality TV! If he does raise a jungle fever i’ll let you know. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Celebrity Reporter. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette