Rolling Stone Has Gastric Band Fitted

a resident of Beckworth — Sun, 18 May 2014 17:06:27 +0000

Local one man band, and ex-Rolling Stones bassist tribute act, Bill Wideman, has been fitted with a gastric band after dieting failed to reduce his weight. 127 stone Bill, known off stage as “Fat” Ron Penge, has always struggled with his size, “I was a large jolly baby, and never stopped growing” he told me over a take-away curry with chips. When Bill was younger he had a well documented brush with stardom, when in 1998 he was crowned weight watcher of the year, having allegedly lost 56 stone in 6 months. But the judges found out he’d used someone else’s photo as the “slim” shot and had actually put on over 13 stone, so he had to hand back the crown and would have also handed back the winning money had he not spent it on pies. Since then Bill has kept a low profile honing his one-man musical skills and appearing on the X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, the Antiques Road Show and Embaressing Bodies, whilst still finding time to busk in the high street. “I’ve incorporated getting craned on and off “stage” (the back of a lorry), and in and out of my bed, into my act which the audiences love” he the added “but it’s got to the point where walls in my house needed demolishing just so I could use the loo. Hence now needing the gastric band” So good luck to Bill nee Ron, I’ll let you know how the diet goes. Yours Christine Batley. Chief Diet Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) The “real” Bill Wyman, who obviously has gastric problems of his own

BBC To Auction Off Lost Property

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 10:07:37 +0000

Good afternoon. I am very pleased to announce that your local 346 year old auction house, Northerbys, has been instructed by the BBC to hold a sale of it’s “lost” property. The sale will be held on Tuesday 13th May from 10 am and we are pleasured to have guest auctioneer Fiona Bruce clutching the gavel. The “lost” property includes some rare antique items and original artworks “accidentally left behind” after filming popular BBC programmes such as The Antiques Road Show, Cash In The Attic, Homes Under The Hammer and Crime Watch. One picture, an original 17th century painting “Blokes In Boats” by Giovanni Cannelloni, is expected to fetch at least £500,000. All proceeds from the sale will go towards to the BBC Christmas Party fund. I hope to see you all on the 13th. Tim Wonnacott. Head Auctioneer. Northerbys Auction House

(Above) Fiona Bruce guards the painting ”Blokes In Boats” by Giovanni Cannelloni expected to boost party fund coffers by a cool £500,000

Life in Beckworth » Antiques Road Show

Rolling Stone Has Gastric Band Fitted

BBC To Auction Off Lost Property