Life in Beckworth » Bognor Regis http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings Sun, 01 Feb 2026 00:56:14 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 St Norris’s Day This Evening http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/reverend-cyril-knutsford/wear-a-feather-in-your-hat-today-2/ http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/reverend-cyril-knutsford/wear-a-feather-in-your-hat-today-2/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2015 14:44:08 +0000 a resident of Beckworth http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/?p=4777 Continue reading →]]> Hello my flock. Today is the Feast of St Norris and we will be holding a memorial service this evening at 7.45. During the mass we will be reflecting on his humble syphilitic life, his kind deeds to birds and tireless service to his home town of Bognor Regis, which he kept clean of guano with his bare hands. Norris died at the age of 32 after a protracted pustulous illness and was buried at the bottom of the town’s well as was customary in the 15th century. Upon hearing of his passing the pox-riddled Pope (Jeremy XI) canonised Norris as the Patron Saint of Pigeons and Guinea Fowl and declared that on 12th February “we should cast aside carnal thoughts by wearing feathers atop our sinful bodies and by clearing up bird sh*t. With our hands” The latter we will perform in the dark after we’ve had tea and biscuits post service. Young and old parishioners are welcome, although the service will include some scenes of mild nudity and swearing. And please remember to wear feather in your hat in celebration of Norris. So see you this evening sporting your finest plumage. God Bless You. Cyril Knutsford, Vicar, Beckworth St Faiths

Beckworth_St Norris

(Above) A parishioner celebrates St Norris’s Day in style. In a wood.

]]> http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/reverend-cyril-knutsford/wear-a-feather-in-your-hat-today-2/feed/ 0 Apprenticeship Goes Up In Smoke http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/nelly-ryde/apprenticeship-goes-up-in-smoke/ http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/nelly-ryde/apprenticeship-goes-up-in-smoke/#comments Thu, 23 Oct 2014 10:44:14 +0000 a resident of Beckworth http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/?p=4235 Continue reading →]]> Dear all. Well, what a travesty of justice last night’s episode of The Apprentice was. I’m sure you’ll agree that Lord Sugar made a big mistake firing my cousin, the Kajagoogoo tribute act, Jack-A-GooGoo. Jack and Mr Sugar had been getting on famously until a few days ago and was believed to be a shoe-in as 2014 winner. But my cousin was appalled at this weeks’ task, having to make and sell poncey candles, and so borrowing Sugar’s credit card he buggered off to buy a pub in Bognor Regis. Jack only spent £250,000, which he quite rightly says was just an advance on his winnings, but Alan wasn’t happy (he doesn’t like Bognor) and so fired his top apprentice. What a silly bugger!! Still it’s not all bad as Jack is being allowed to keep the pub, which he and Nick Hewer hope to turn into a Kajagoogoo themed bar before Christmas.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, pub barmaid and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

ThePlough

(Above) Jacks new family-friendly pub in Bognor Regis

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