Hello, I just thought i’d keep you up to date with the ongoing lama situation. Fern Britton‘s fugitive lamas (“The Jackson Three”) are still on the run and we’ve only had one reported sighting overnight, outside the Coronet Cinema where they were coincidentally showing Dr Dolittle. Although the situation is calm we’re still on red alert. Please continue to keep a look out for the hairy triumvirate and Mrs Britton has warned do not approach the lamas as they may be armed and dangerous (I think that’s what her text meant to say, I hate predictive text). So far the three camelids haven’t been tempted by the banana trap but I will continue to monitor the situation on Fern’s behalf (She’s getting her hair done today). Thanks for your time and see if you can spot one or all of the lamas, Christine Batley. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator