Life in Beckworth » Fathers Day

Celebrate The Longest Father’s Day With A Kebab

a resident of Beckworth — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 12:13:33 +0000

Hey you lucky people, we’ve just remembered that today Is both Father’s Sunday and the “longest day” so we will be staying opening extra late to cater for the after-the-pubs-shut clientelle. We’ll be offering a one day only all you can eat offer (from the salad bowl only) for all father’s purchasing a large donar kebab, large fries and a greek beer. Also, after 9.30 tonight we’ll be putting on a strip show and have some greek music playing to really make the day extra special. All for just £24.99. At this crazy price why go anywhere else? So sons and daughters bring all your father’s, and grandfathers. See you later.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs

Show Your Father How Much You Care

a resident of Beckworth — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 09:23:19 +0000

At Fawke’s we know that buying the perfect gift on father’s day is very stressful, would he want aftershave again, a new lawnmower or a trip to see a Thai masseuse? Decisions are hard to make, that’s why we’ve solved your dilemma and have the perfect gift that shows you care. Together with our team of experts you can make his funeral arrangements and as a special offer (for this weekend only) we are giving 20% off all our paternal funerals. So why not swing by with your Dad for tea and a chat and we can measure him up for that final trip of a lifetime. Father’s young and old are welcome, because let’s face it Mr Death will come knocking whatever age you get to. But don’t take our word for it, we’ve got paid-for celebrity testimonials:

If ever I was dead, or feeling unwell, I would want a Fawkes funeral… or something similar but a lot cheaper – Daniel Craig, 007

I’ve already picked out a camouflaged coffin with a gun turret and laser beams for my big day – Ross Kemp

They do nice sandwiches and flowers – Victoria Pendleton

Gareth Fawkes. Fawkes Funerals.

Who’s The Daddy?

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:36:27 +0000

This weekend, in celebration of Father’s day, we are offering 50% off all paternity tests. Our recently opened health centre (in the back of the chemists) offers discreet walk-in medical checks, passport photos and instant diagnosis of your sexual health. Our resident clinician “Dr” Vince* is a qualified urine therapist and once worked as a hospital porter, so knows all about medicine, especially anything related to sex stuff. Dr Vince offer treatments for lack of Testosterone (Jaffa Syndrome), weight gain, “mr floppy” problems, and irritability. Sperm donations also taken (no appointment neccsessary and we have our own “specialist magazines” on site). As they say on Casualty “the doctor* will see you now…”

Abdul Ackworth, chemist. Abduls The Chemist, 17 Floyd Street, Beckworth.

* Vince has never been, nor claims to be, a real doctor. It’s more a term of affection

Celebrate Father’s Day With A Kebab

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 11:33:12 +0000

Hey you lucky people, this Sunday we will be opening 11 ’til 11 and offering a one day only all you can eat offer (from the salad bowl only) for all father’s purchasing a large donar kebab, large fries and a greek beer. All that for £13.99. At this crazy price it’s not to be missed, so bring all your father’s (Grandfather’s also welcome). See you Sunday.

Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs