Yours Terence Eccles. General Manager, The Macadamia Hall

(Above) The Saturdays photographed during rehearsals last Friday

(Above) A scene from the award-winning “Marie Clare Dans Le Jardin”

Just a reminder that today, from 1pm, we will be recreating the Queen’s Coronation in St Faith’s church. Come and relive the sights and sounds of 80 years ago, we’ve got some acting “royalty” being real Royalty, Ross Kemp is playing Prince Philip, Susan Boyle is the young virgin Queen with Fern Cotton as Princess Anne and Gary Barlow as Prince Charles. They’ll be choristers singing carols, a miniature horse and carriage, and the vicar will be pretending to be the Pope, doing all the crowning and stuff. It’s a must see afternoon for the whole family and for those that can’t fit in the church we will be relaying the sounds very loudly over speakers in the graveyard. So come all ye faithful.

The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors

This is a message to all of you who like your music religious, your singers to be made of wood and your ale real. Tomorrow night local “friends of Jesus” and amateur ventriloquists, Uncle Len & Aunt Nancy Wheely, will be rocking our back room venue. Along with their sexually-deviant “son” Randy they will sing all of their God-fearing cover versions including Stairway To Heaven, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath and Robbie William’s Angels. They’re guaranteed to bring joy to our hearts and fill the bar with Godliness, or so their agent has told me. They will also be signing copies of their thought-provoking debut album Do You Know Jesus?, which will be onsale after the show, along with t-shirts, mouse-mats and “Randy” keyfobs. It’s only a fiver on the door and this week’s featured ale at the pub is Beelzebub’s Bathwater. Warning: If you don’t like people singing about Jesus, or ventriloquists, then stay at home! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

It is with great pleasure that I hereby announce that tickets for Atomic Kitten‘s first concert in 23 years will go on sale tomorrow morning from 10am. The reformed band promise to play both their hits and a host of other tracks you may have heard but thought were by someone else. The “unsplit” band will feature all the original members including Baby Kitten, Posh Kitten, Sporty Kitten, the one who’s name escapes me and Ginger Tom. The concert will be on Monday 1st July (after the bingo) and support acts will be local One Direction tribute duo Two Directions and a juggler called Dave. Tickets are priced £12, or £5 for those on incapacity benefit.

We are very excited to be hosting the concert as we will have repainted the bar by then.

Yours Terence Eccles. General Manager, The Macadamia Hall

And please join us again on Sunday, in St Faith’s Church, when we will be re-enacting our current Monarchs coronation, complete with a scale-model of a real horse-drawn carriage.

The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors

It’s a not to be missed day out for all the family, young and old. And because it’s a winter event being held in the summer all the events will now be held outdoors, with the exception of the marijuana smokers yoga and reggae drop-in sessions which will as usual be held discretely in the scout hut.

It’s your once in a year opportunity to buy exotic tabacco, nicotene patches, lighters and papers and take part in workshops such as cigar rolling, pipe-rack carving and Johnny Ball‘s matchstick model-making classes (this year on the theme of dance).

The pubs will be open from 8am until very late but let’s hope there isn’t a repeat of last years drunken debacle where well-wishers tried to burn down the Macadamia Hall during the sold-out panto Puss In Boots, starring Will Young and Paris Hilton.

Event’s during the day include Santa’s Summer Grotto, a smokers trivia pub quiz in the marquee from 7pm, tug o’war (last years’ winners The Pipesmokers v new challengers The Cigarello Smokers), Puffin’ Willy’s Steam Fair,  a “smoke-themed” kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds, a concert by Status Quo and Dame Charlotte Church and of course, in the late evening, the crowning of Beckworth’s Smoker Of The Year 2013.

We are also hoping to try again and beat the world record for the most snuff-sniffers in one field. Due to health and safety laws we are not allowed a lit bonfire but smoking is permitted outside in the designated areas furnished with ashtrays and spittoons.

For the youngsters Flintlock Farm’s Mobile Petting Zoo will be setting up in a corner of the sports field and in another corner, for parents, the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors will be re-enacting the first time tobacco was introduced to Beckworth by smugglers in the 19th century (complete with borrowed horses and a mock-up ship).

So see you all tomorrow, Mayor Gary Grimsby