Tempah Tantrum Over Blown Bulbs

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 12:12:04 +0000

Hello all. Well, what a fantastic evening was had by all yesterday when local folk singer Tinie Tempah switched on Beckworth’s Christmas lights, probably the town’s best ever. And fortunately the ceremony was almost fault free and quite professional, we certainly didn’t want a repeat of last year when comedy duo Jedward were late arriving (their train was derailed by the wrong sort of leaves on the line), or the year before when Dame Judie Dench fell off the podium trying to press the faulty lights-on button. This year the only hiccup was a dozen bulbs blowing after the switch-on, leaving very small Mr Tampah inconsolable. But once placated with a mars bar and a Diet Fanta the little fella said the lights were “very pretty” or rap words to that effect. With the street lit-up it really does feel like Christmas is at last on it’s way… Also, a special mention to local lads made good, Jamie Oliver and his friend Gordon Ramsey, for their wonderful mulled wine and chilli infused mince pies, very yummy though not cheap at £15 a pop. Well done to Mssrs Oliver, Gordon and Mr Tiny. Christine Batley. Chief Christmas Lights Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) Tiny Mr Tempah is carried by his minder to switch on the Christmas lights

Plastic Cutlery Amnesty

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 03 Oct 2013 13:22:15 +0000

Dear all. As you may be aware, one of Mother Earth’s scarcest resources, namely plastic cutlery, is now in very short supply. It is feared that without taking drastic action now we may ultimately face a future without disposable tableware. “Customers come to my restaurants expecting the finest throw-away spoons, forks and knives” says chef Gordon Ramsey “They f****** love ‘em! But soon I’ll have to stop giving them away as they’re getting more expensive than the f****** ingredients in my food.” To try and save our beloved cutlery the World’s Eco Emporiums and Health Food Shops (such as mine) are uniting and holding a month long Plastic Cutlery Amnesty. Campaign spokesperson Russell Brand says “If you, or someone you know, has such used or unused cutlery you can anonymously drop it into a designated bin no questions asked. So clear out your drawers and handbags. Just imagine, together we can save these beautiful man-made utensils from extinction and continue to harvest this precious commodity for generations to come.” Well said Mr Brand. Clifford Pinner

(Above) Without your help this increasingly sought after cutlery will be lost forever

Life in Beckworth » Gordon Ramsey

Tempah Tantrum Over Blown Bulbs

Plastic Cutlery Amnesty