Pantomime Auditions Next Week

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 13:45:24 +0000

Pantomime season is almost upon us and in the spirit of yuletide The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for some very minor, yet glamorous, parts in this year’s dramatic extravaganza. Next Tuesday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2015 panto, The Lizard Of Aus. Could this be you? For five or six nights around Christmas we will be putting on our original festive performance very loosely based on the Disney film, and soundtrack, The Wizard Of Oz. We’ve made enough changes to get around copyright issues, the rewrite was quickly done for us by acting legend, and star of a few pantos herself, Dame Maggie Smith. The script promises, in Dame’s words, to be truly wonderful! I’ve written some great new songs about lizards and Australia with my close friend Gary Barlow. Gary will take the lead role playing Dorothy, a childhood ambition he told me, and his band Take That will play the accompanying music live each night (Or maybe mime). We’ve secured Pierce Brosnan to direct the panto (his first time directing), James Cordan to play the “Thin Man”, Bake-Off‘s Paul Hollywood is the “Bird Scarer”, Cheryl Cole (or whatever she’s called these days) will play the “Lioness”, Katie Price is our “Right Bitch”, the “Wicked Bitch of the North is TV’s Holly Willoughby, and Peter Andre will star as the ballroom-dancing “Australian Lizard”. Understandably all the best parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players but we will still need new talent for the boring non-speaking parts, the occasional dance, a bit of backing-singing and to sell snacks and drink in the interval. Please bring a torch, or candle, as auditions will be held in a small unlit garage behind the launderette as our rehearsal space above Chiswicks’ The Fishmongers is being fumigated. We’ve a part in the performance to suit almost anyone of every gender, colour and sexual preference. But let’s face it we really only want Beckworth’s most attractive, single, young people. So if you’re over 25 or need a crane to get in and out of the bath don’t waste our time. Pierce says he wants to find the next Sam Smith and Adele, preferably with acting skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and be hot. See you next Tuesday, Chico (producer)

(Above) Peter Andres’s amazing panto costume, kindly made by his ex-wife Jordan

New Term At Re-Sited Beckworth FE College

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 12:45:06 +0000

Hello to you all. May I take this opportunity to introduce myself to you and to our wonderful re-sited Further Education college. My name is Barbara Windsor (Not the one who’s bra fell off in Carry On Camping nor the one in Eastenders, though we do share certain noticeable physical attributes) and I am the head of the faculty. Over the summer we moved into our lovely new site on Madonna Lane, where we share a building with KwikFit, and yesterday the college was officially opened by ex-alumni, and local author, Katie “Jordan” Price. Due to an increase of space and improved facilities we can now offer more courses, for both the young, old and infirm. Induction week starts next Monday and we have a lot of evening classes on offer, including some new ones such as Welding For Beginners, Tantric Sex (Taught by Gordon Sumner), Living With Jihad, Arm Wrestling, Noel Edmunds‘s Kite Flying Lessons, Forgeries and print-making, and Deep Sea Diving theory… So join us next week but you better be quick as demand is bound to be high. Yours Barbara Windsor (Mrs). Head of the Faculty. Beckworth Further Education College

(Above) Ex-student Katie Price opens the new FE College

Life in Beckworth » Jordan

Pantomime Auditions Next Week

New Term At Re-Sited Beckworth FE College