Life in Beckworth » The Lancet http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings Sun, 01 Feb 2026 00:56:14 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 Local People Urged To Sign Up To Breakthrough Medical Trials http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/christine-batley/local-people-urged-to-sign-up-to-breakthrough-medical-trials/ http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/christine-batley/local-people-urged-to-sign-up-to-breakthrough-medical-trials/#comments Fri, 21 Aug 2015 09:44:12 +0000 a resident of Beckworth http://visitbeckworth.co.uk/life-in-beckworth/?p=5390 Continue reading →]]> Medical breakthrough news just in… Local pharamaceutical giant Goctor & Pramble have just made medical history, unveiling the world’s first cure for pubic baldness in The Lancet medical journal and garnering wordwide acclaim. Their patented Magnetic Merkin is claimed to be a life-changer for sufferers, up there with penecilin and incontinence pants. But before any such medical breakthrough can be sold to the NHS for billions of tax-payers pounds they must be trialed on poor people and made safe. The merkins proved fine when worn by lab-rats but the Beckworth employer is now asking for human volunteers to help them iron out any flaws with the natural looking synthetic pastel-hued hair-pieces. The company will pay impoverished local residents a nominal fee to wear the breakthrough metal-attracting pubic wig 24/7 for three months to flag up any disabilitating side-effects, such as genital chaffing, allergic-reactions and lead-poisoning. Goctor & Pramble’s inventor of the magnetic merkin Dr Neville Edmonds issued the following statement today: “I took my inspiration from my brother Noel’s beard and the everyday household items trapped within it. It struck me that groin-wigs could be enhanced by adding the life-improving high-tech benefit of magnetism.” He went on to add “Wearing one will make the patient’s discrete pubic region the ideal place to safely store all their family and friend’s metalic nik-naks. Such as keys, loose change, iron-mongery and cameras, whilst also covering up their privates from prying-eyes… And they will come in a one-size fits-all for ease of manufacture and comfort.” I will keep you updated on the trials as they happen, and I for one will be signing up to take part and earn £26 a week” Christine Batley. Chief Pubic Reporter. Beckworth Guardian

Beckworth_Noel Edmonds Beard

(Above) Noel Edmonds, sporting his inspirational nik-nak strewn beard

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