Life in Beckworth » UKIP

SOBS Story – One Year On

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 14 May 2015 09:49:53 +0000

Hello. Sorry for disturbing you but I thought you would like to know how the year long campaign to Save Our British Sausage has been going. No doubt you will remember that my fellow UK butchers and I were prompted to start campaigning when our useless Government, Brussels and political correctness went mad and declared that our good old as “English as hayfever” sausages MUST now contain at least a 40% imported meat content. Our hand-made sausages don’t even have 25% meat in them, so we didn’t see how that would work. And due to previous “media scares” they declared we’re no longer allowed to make them from horses. Or donkeys. Or dogs. The banger is vital part of an Englishman’s everyday healthy diet, it’s probably on of our five a day and worth fighting for. But despite some of us butchers literally fighting MPs the English sausage is still under attack from self-appointed, BMW driving, white wine drinking, pasta eating, johnny foreigner food safety officials from across the channel. But we have not rested this last 12 months; we presented a petition of 53 signatures to the copper on the door of number 10 Downing Street, got on the BBC‘s One Show and were mentioned once in The Sun, in a story about English butchers getting arrested on a ferry to Brussels. We are a traditional British butchers and have been proud to make meat-stuffs from Grand National winners over 150 years. So please join us in standing up for a great traditional meal, stand up for Britishness, stand up for the Queen, and let’s give Johnny MEP a black eye or two. To show your support use “Direct Action” and boycott supermarket sausages, then buy all your British Sausage from our shop. David, Tony and Shawn Bradford. Bradford’s the Butchers. UKIP Supporters

The North South Divide In The General Election

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 08 May 2015 09:41:07 +0000

News Just In… Your votes have been cast, counted and recounted twice but we can now announce the local results in the General Election. Labour have held on to the safe seat of Beckworth North and the Conservatives have taken Beckworth South from the poor old LibDems. UKIP and the Green Party did very well in the northern ward but lost their deposits elsewhere. The Tories retained Crewbury and Slocombe making this part of the county almost exclusively right-wing. Christine Batley. Chief General Election Results Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian. Beckworth Guardian

Voting Today

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 07 May 2015 06:43:44 +0000

Hello. Just a reminder that voting in the general election today will take place in two polling stations. The scout hut for the ward of Beckworth South and the visitors centre at the nuclear power station for Beckworth North. And don’t forget to put your cross in the box marked UKIP. Many thanks, G. Grimsby. Mayor

The Green’s Show Their True Colours

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 06 May 2015 12:32:44 +0000

Breaking news… This morning on a visit to the marginal constituency of Beckworth South the Green Party showed how public transport would look if they get into Number 10. In a selfless act of coalition the green’s leader Caroline Lucas gave opposition leaders a lift into town after both their tour buses had broken down with punctures (mysteriously nails were found on the road). I’ll keep you posted on all the hot political news as it happens… Christine Batley. Chief Political Puncture Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) Caroline Lucas gives a lift to the LibDem’s Nick Clegg and UKIP’s Nigel Farrage

Advance Warning: Street Closures Tomorrow

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 04 May 2015 10:01:03 +0000

Hello. Just to say that the high street, near the Undertakers, and Madonna Lane will be partially closed tomorrow when the hustings descend on our town. Labour‘s Ed Milliband, Conservative “Diddy” Dave Cameron and the SNP‘s Nicola Sturgeon have all decided to visit the marginal seat of Beckworth South on the same day. We all clearly remember the parties doing the same back in 2010 when it decended into chaos as Gordon Brown offered Mr Cameron “out”. Let’s hope this time the politicians can control themselves better. The LibDem‘s Nick Clegg and UKIP‘s Nigel Farrage are due to visit on Wednesday but as we’re expecting a low turn out of support we’re not closing any roads that day. many thanks G.Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) An artists’s impression of what tomorrow’s road closure could look like

UKIP Sponsored Common Wealth Games Closing Ceremony Cancelled

a resident of Beckworth — Sun, 03 Aug 2014 19:24:51 +0000

Hi, sorry for the very late notice but just to let you know that tonight’s alternative closing ceremony for the Commonwealth Games on Beckworth’s sports field has been cancelled. The local branch of UKIP, who tried to organise the event, have apologised and put the blame squarely at Noel Edmunds’ door. He’s refused to perform a stunt kite display to round off the games, but in his defence a fuming Mr Edmunds says this is just because he, and the other performers, still haven’t been paid for the opening ceremony. And like most of us he says he’d like to watch the real Glasgow closing ceremony on TV, whilst sharing a bottle of wine with his close friend Mr Blobby. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) Mr Blobby fishing in his friend Noel Edmunds’ pond earlier today

UKIP Sponsored Common Wealth Games Opening Ceremony Tonight

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 11:08:54 +0000

Hi, I just wanted to remind you all that tonight Beckworth will host it’s own alternative opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games on the sports field from 8pm with refreshments on sale in the scout hut. A spokesman for the local branch of UKIP, who organised the event as a demonstration against the Scottish Referendum, was quoted as saying “we just wanted to have our voice heard and point out how immigration has distorted the UK” before adding “And we can’t be arsed going all the way to Scotland to see our English boys and girls parading around with flags.” He went on to say “It’s worth having an English opening ceremony, as our team is bound to thrash all the foreigners at sport and swimming and stuff. Therefore we’re putting on an evening of only English entertainment.” I am reliably informed that this will include Noel Edmunds’ stunt kite display, music from Uncle Len & Aunt Nancy Wheely and conclude with the famed Beckworth Unicycle Formation Dance Team (featuring UKIP’s very own Nigel Farage) dancing to some Now That’s What I Call English Music CDs. It’s a free event so see you there. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) Nigel Farage unicycling to the opening ceremony rehearsal earlier today