We have special offer for peoples who dislike fish and chippys
Showing the one you love you care is what Easter is all about. Don’t be a fool and give them stale hot cross buns or cheap chocolate eggs, have a kebab delivered instead… We’ve now even added boiled egg as an Easter garnish. We will deliver all you need for Easter, safely through your letter box, and for the lowly price of £39.99 per kebab (including delivery). Or you can pick up in person, but wear a mask and keep your distance… Stay well, stay home. Khristos Knossos, Knossos Kebabs
Show the one you love how much you care this Easter. Forget your sad hot cross buns and chocolate eggs, have a kebab delivered instead… We will deliver all you need for Easter, safely through your letter box, and for the lowly price of £39.99 per kebab (including delivery). Stay well, stay home. Khristos Knossos, Knossos Kebabs
(Above) An artist’s impression of a hot cross kebab being carefully delivered
You lucky bloods, today is the day of love, 24 hours of carnal delights and showing off to the arm candy, reeeeeght… St Valentines Day comes once in a year and it’s one of the only days I’m trusted to look after the hood in my Dad’s absence, as he’s taken my Mum out for spa day (what a sap)… anyway today i’m throwing a hardcore offer on you wiggas… So boom; tonight I’ll be flying solo and staying opening extra late to cater for those hungry home skillets and BFs who want a truly memorable night. Also, i’m offering a one night only all you can eat offer (from the salad bowl only) for all customers prove they’re a daddy or baby girl (something X-rated on your phone should it!). The salad will be free for any crew dropping large notes on two large donar kebab, two large fries and a couple of greek beers. Also, after 9.30 my brother, MC Kofte, will be dropping some huge tunes so come down to move a sick muscle. All for just £39.99. See you later gangstas.
Steve Knossos AKA MC Shish. Knossos Kebabs
Hello all. I just wanted to share the offers some of Beckworth’s forward-thinking local traders are offering today in celebration of Black Friday… I’m told that Abdul’s The Chemist are offering a saving of 10% on all flavoured condoms and novelty mouthwash purchased alongside any NHS prescription… Knossos Kebabs have a 50p reduction on all kebabs if customers use the code KRAP19… Anglican Windows are offering a free door with any 30 plastic windows paid in full today… There’s half-price entry to the Banana Museum… The Lesbian And Gay And Bi-Sexual Society will be having cocktails and fannytails in the scout hut tonight (not sure if this to do with Black Friday or not?)…. Beckworth Police have a sale on their very popular “pre-loved” truncheons and handcuffs… The scouts are offering half-price “bob-a-job” when they get back home from school… The Blind Badger pub will be opening until 1am with discounts on out-of-date bar snacks… Master Gregs The Grocers are giving “a cuddle from Greg Wallace” away with every 2kg of carrots… and Fawkes Funerals have 10% off all 2nd hand coffins if ordered before 4pm today… So you’ve lots of reasons to shop locally today and support Beckworth High Street… Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce
Hey, you Beckworth people today is your lucky day… Here at Knossos Kebabs we celebrate Man Of The Moon by serving up Moon themed kebabs until 1.25am tonight. Just like astronauts you can eat a kebab looking at the moon (it was the only food they ate whilst in their rocket), and as we generous we’ll donate 50p “to charity” for anyone who can eat a donna & chips in the time it takes us to shout “5, 4 , 3, 2, 1, blast off” very loudly through a loud haler! So bring all your family and friends to party like it’s 1969 at Kape Konaveral (we’ll not be selling food or drink at 1969 prices so don’t get your hope up). Today only we’re offering large “Moon Dust” donna kebabs for £19.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, the UK’s 44th best David Bowie/Cilla Black impersonator Cilla Sawdust, to sing Ground Control To Major Tom repeatedly, or at least until the batteries in his ghetto blaster run out. Happy Moon Walk day and see you tonight, or this afternoon…. And please bring cash as the card machine is still broken.
Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs
Hey, you people with Mothers, Grandmothers and great-Grandfathers, today is your lucky day… Yes it is Mother’s Day and to celebrate we will be open until 11.15pm tonight to dish up our fabulous food to as many of your lovely Mum’s as possible. And what mums wouldn’t want to spend her special evening with us here at her favourite kebab shop, Knossos Kebabs? For today only we’re offering large “Mumma’s” donna kebabs for £13.99 each (whilst stocks last) and we’ve laid on a local star, Mr Entertainment Man himself, a man that every old mama will love. Yes, we’ve booked local Ed Sheeran tribute act, Ted Sheeran, to sing along to a CD of hits by the real Mr Sheerans. We’ve only got 6 proper seats in the shop, but now have 4 deckchairs and an umbrella outside our kebab shop so most people can get get comfy (if it’s not too windy and the umbrella stays up). But maybe you come early and not stay long. It’s a night out Mamas won’t want to miss, so bring all your old folk to eat with Khristos. Happy Mothers day and see you tonight…. Please bring cash as the card machine has broken.
Khristos Knossos. Knossos Kebabs