Hello all, Mrs Minaj here… I’m sure you will know me for being a wealthy estate agent but did you know about my huge celebrity status? I’m not one to blow my own trumpet (except on stage) but I am both mother and very successful manager to local pop star Nicki Minaj. Now that you do know I can proudly announce details of my daughter’s forthcoming 2015 world tour. Nicki (real name Nicky) is a pop trail-blazer and so, in her words, to make the tour “a bit different and to save money” she’s going to only play venues visitable by barge. My lovely daughter recently bought a large ex-fisheries boat from Beckworth scrapyard (on the sound advise of her business adviser Uncle Reg Minaj) and has spent weeks getting it ship-shape and learning how to drive it. I am also proud to announce that she’s planning to make the tour a totally family affair, her band and crew will be entirely staffed by Minaj’s. Nicky has always had Dad “Sticky” Ricky as her drummer and I’ve always choreographed and managed her but now her siblings are getting in on the act…. Older brother Dicky is learning the bass, 10 year old brother Micky will play ukelele and recorder and sister Linda has just bought a keyboard. It’ll be a bit like that film The Sound Of Music… but without mountains or nazis. I for one can’t wait to make this wonderful trip and hope to see you all at the gigs. Mrs Vicky Minaj. Nicki Minaj’s Manager.
(Above) The Minaj Barge rams the bank as Nicki unsuccessfully tries a three-point turn