Life in Beckworth » a resident of Beckworth

At His Majesty’s Displeasure

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 09:59:27 +0000

We’re back Online…

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 09:51:15 +0000

Riot Quashed

a resident of Beckworth — Sat, 10 Aug 2024 12:07:49 +0000

Dear all, following a week of anti-immigration, so called right-wing rioting, across the UK,
dim-witted council estate dwelling locals have sadly followed suit here in our lovely town. Details are scant as the riot occurred when most decent people were watching the Olympics last night (the Olympics are wonderful aren’t they… although i’m unsure of Claire Baldings choice of outfits).

A Police source has told me the riot happened yesterday evening, as the sun was painting the sky with a perfect sunset (my source is an amateur poet), outside the local Travelodge. Local idiots had believed the downmarket hotel housed immigrants and so stood outside shouting “p****s go home” and throwing empty beer cans. It in fact houses no one as it’s been condemned, but that’s another (very boring) story. Seven or eight rioters were arrested and will appear in court next week. Probably.

I say lock them up, throw away the key and stop their benefits.

I’ll keep you you posted

Christine Batley

The Votes Are Finally Counted

a resident of Beckworth — Sat, 27 Jul 2024 13:28:09 +0000

Hello, Beckworth has entered the record books for the most voting recounts in a General Election. We recounted 136 times and sadly still we got a Labour majority. We, locals with sense and SUVs, had hoped that if our beloved Tory Mp wasn’t back voted in we’d at least get Farage’s lot… But no we’ve got a looney left MP… So there goes the neighbourhood

Get Out & Vote…

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 04 Jul 2024 16:04:38 +0000

But make sure your vote counts… If you can’t bear to vote for our beloved Richie Sunack and his Conservative cavaliers vote for Farage and his Refarm party, they look like a right laugh… But preferably, give the lovely Tories another 5 years… after all they’ve created more billionaires in times of austerity than any other government… (and hopefully we can Liz Truss back… her book is a great read)

We’re Back…

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 25 Jun 2024 09:00:19 +0000

Sorry for the silence but council funding cuts (and the heroes in the IT department going on strike for almost a year) we have not been able to replenish the content on this blog.

But thanks to us going busking we have enough to fund a few days, or weeks, of content…

So what’s been happening here in sunny Beckworth this past year and a bit?

Royal Prince & Mrs Prince Search For Semi In The Local Area

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 07 Mar 2023 14:57:21 +0000

HRH news just in… Prince Harold and his wife (who’s name escapes me) have been spotted looking in Beckworth estate agents windows searching for a 3 bed semi. The couple and their two children have been given a month’s notice to vacate their run-down drafty cottage by disgruntled landlord, King Charles (the monarch, not a spaniel)… I’ll keep you posted, but hopefully we’ll have Royals living amongst us soon, Christine Batley. Deputy Chief disgraced Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

(Above) The prince trying to flog his memoir, which incorporates tips on looking “hard”
called Stare

Happy Christmas Beckworth

a resident of Beckworth — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 10:28:41 +0000

A Most Solemn Day

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 08:41:04 +0000

The Queens Funeral Today

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 08:40:44 +0000