Dear all, following a week of anti-immigration, so called right-wing rioting, across the UK,
dim-witted council estate dwelling locals have sadly followed suit here in our lovely town. Details are scant as the riot occurred when most decent people were watching the Olympics last night (the Olympics are wonderful aren’t they… although i’m unsure of Claire Baldings choice of outfits).

A Police source has told me the riot happened yesterday evening, as the sun was painting the sky with a perfect sunset (my source is an amateur poet), outside the local Travelodge. Local idiots had believed the downmarket hotel housed immigrants and so stood outside shouting “p****s go home” and throwing empty beer cans. It in fact houses no one as it’s been condemned, but that’s another (very boring) story. Seven or eight rioters were arrested and will appear in court next week. Probably.

I say lock them up, throw away the key and stop their benefits.

I’ll keep you you posted

Christine Batley