Life in Beckworth » Lionel T. Worton

Postponement of Today’s Naturists Farmers’ Market & Five-A-Side Football Match

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 01 Jan 2021 16:51:43 +0000

Coach Trip To Wimbledon

a resident of Beckworth — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 12:58:58 +0000

Hello. This Thursday, 13th July, your local naturists (the Beckworth and Slocombe branch) have hired a coach to visit Wimbledon, and amazingly we still have many seats on the coach and spare tickets to Court No22 going spare. This really is an amazing opportunity for you all to see tennis in all it’s glory and to discover the wonders of going nude in public. My close friend Wayne, once an ex-Wimbledon ballboy himself, has promised one of his great tennis quizzes on the journey there, and hopes this year to show us all the “backstage” parts of Wimbledon usually off-limits to the public including the men’s changing rooms and showers. Maybe Nadal and Federer will be in there cooling off together! We’ve tried accessing these areas in previous years but Wayne is more hopeful this year as he’s befriended an umpire. On the journey “fresh” shop-bought sandwiches and bottled water will be supplied (while stocks last) and included in the price of the coach trip, which is only £749 per person… but remember this is a priceless opportunity, if the sun is shining, to get an all over tan with no white bits and maybe get seen on telly (as has happened in most years when we’ve been asked to cover up). I hope to see you on the coach, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

Melton Mowbray Or Bust

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 16 May 2017 09:10:04 +0000

Hello. This forthcoming bank holiday Monday (May 29th) your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are taking the bus to the bright lights of the naturism mecca, Melton Mowbray. This will be the second time we’ll be taking part in the local heats of the UK Naturist Go-Karting Championships, the last time we competed in motorsports the team was unfairly disqualified for wearing socks with our sandals. Once again our best hope of success is my close friend Wayne, who has been practicing at home on his Wii, and I will be taking part myself, having thoroughly enjoyed the few laps I completed last time. We still need three more drivers for the five (wo)man team and no-previous experience is needed, so why not join Team Nude Beckworth. This year we’re sponsored by Greggs the Bakery who’ll be supply all the teams sausage-roll needs, so what’s not to like? Come and enjoy a day of speed, baked-goods and nudism (Successful applicants will need to supply their own helmets). We also would like to take along as many (undressed) supporters as possible, so you why not join us on our day out? Greggs sandwiches and crisps will be included in the price of the day trip, which is only £477 return per person. I hope to see you at the bus station on 29th, yours Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

Annual Naturists’ Christmas Lunch & Disco. Don’t Delay Book Today

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 15 Dec 2016 11:10:39 +0000

Hello. Next Monday your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are hosting their annual “no clothes allowed” Christmas lunch and disco in a “Marquee” on the sports field (weather permitting and if planning permission is granted). The canvas erection can hold fifteen people, so ticket’s are strictly on first come first served basis day, so buy yours today. Once again DJ at the disco will be FatBoy Slim tribute act Slim Fatboy and he hopes to take requests if he has time. My close friends Wayne and Vera will be doing a vegan Christmas feast for all present and we’re hoping to have a visit from a nude St Nick and his reindeer. So why not join us and bring your whole family (young and old welcome) to our fantastic naked festive celebration? Tickets are a bargain at only £249 per person. Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) An artists’ impression of the nudists’ marquee in use as an inviting festive venue

Make 2016 A Naturist New Year

a resident of Beckworth — Sat, 02 Jan 2016 16:31:22 +0000

Hello and happy new year. I trust you all enjoyed Christmas? I spent mine with my close friend Wayne and we met our new chum Helmut on a naturist’s skiing trip in the French Alps. Helmut taught us all about toasting marshmellows and warming our nuts on an open fire. But now we’re back in a cold and moist Beckworth making new year’s resolutions together. Helmut’s is to get local businesses to sponsor him getting a hair transplant and gaining British citizenship, Wayne’s is to loose 19 stone in 12 months and mine is to increase membership of your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch. To this end, come rain, shine or arrest for indecent exposure I will be leafleting outside Sainsco every Saturday in the coming weeks whilst Wayne and Helmut do the weekly shop inside. So why not pick up a leaflet from me whilst you and the family are out doing the weekend shop and join up? We’re a friendly bunch so why not join us? Shape, creed, colour, age and sexual predilection are no matter to us, just the ability to live life fully without clothes on. I hope to see you all outside the Sainsco supermarket every Saturday. I’ll be the one wearing a smile, sandals and little else clutching a wad of pamphlets. Happy 2016. Best wishes, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) My new friend Helmut shopping for hair-gel in Sainsco

Booking Now; Naturists’ Christmas Lunch & Disco

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 11 Dec 2015 21:40:32 +0000

Hello. Next Thursday your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are having a “no clothes allowed” Christmas lunch, followed by a disco, in the scout hut. Due to health & safety concerns at the venue we can only cater for twelve people, so ticket’s are on first come first served basis day, so don’t delay buying them. DJ at the disco will be FatBoy Slim tribute act Slim Fatboy and he promises to take requests. My close friend Wayne has already prepared a list of his favourite songs and practiced his dance moves (he watched Dirty Dancing thirty-two times last week). So you why not join us on our fantastic naked festive day? Tickets are a bargain at only £217 per person. Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) An artist’s impression of naturists standing at the bar during Slim Fatboy’s DJ set at Beckworth’s “no clothes allowed” Christmas lunch and disco

Naturist’s Christmas Outing

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 09 Nov 2015 14:31:14 +0000

Hello. This Christmas your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are having a “no clothes allowed” day-trip to Europe’s capital of naturism Bournemouth. The day will include getting two trains there (changing in London), a skinny-dip in the sea, betting on the pier’s slot machines (we need to check there is a pier), and fish and chips on the beach (we’re hopeful there is a beach, if not we’ll sit in a cafe). But the icing on the cake will be an evening watching and shouting obscenities at the UK’s first naturist panto, Nudes In The Wood. My close friend Wayne knows the producer and she says it’s going to be a family friendly panto, with lots of songs and will star one or two celebrities, though none have confirmed yet. So you why not join us on our naked fun day out? Lunch is included in the price of the day trip, which is only £334 per person. At the moment we’re not sure of a date, but it will be in December so keep that month free. Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) Bournemouth; the ideal destination for a December skinny dip

Bank Holiday Monday Naturist Racing

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 27 Aug 2015 13:07:59 +0000

Hello. This bank holiday Monday your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are going by train (and then bus) to the bright lights of the naturism mecca, Melton Mowbray, to take part in the local heats of the third ever UK Naturist Go-Karting Championships. It’s our first time competing in motorsports and we’ll be fielding five drivers. Our best hope of success is my close friend Wayne, who once came second-to-last in a tractor driving race and is a daily user of a mobility scooter. I will be taking part myself, despite never having driven anything before, but as Wayne says “how hard can it be?” We still need three more drivers and like me no-previous experience is needed, so why not join Team Nude Beckworth and enjoy a day of speed, petrol and nudism (Successful applicants will need to supply their own helmets). We also would like to take along as many (undressed) supporters as possible, so you why not join us on our day out? Sandwiches and crisps will be included in the price of the day trip, which is only £447 return per person. I hope to see you on the sation on Monday, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

Wimbledon Wednesday

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 09:50:37 +0000

Hello. This Wednesday, 8th July, your local naturists (the Beckworth and Slocombe branch) are going by coach to Wimbledon and fortunately for you we still have some room on the coach and spare tickets to Court No1 left over. This really is a golden opportunity for you to discover the wonders of going nude in public and to see some, hopefully, wonderful tennis being played. My close friend Wayne, himself an ex-Wimbledon ballboy (until he was sacked for being too old, slow and undressed), has promised a tennis quiz on the journey there and to show us all the “backstage” parts of Wimbledon usually off-limits to the public including the players changing rooms and toilets. Maybe Andy Murray will be there? Cooling off in the showers! Sandwiches and bottled water will be included in the price of the coach trip, which is only £715 per person but remember, if the sun is shining you’ll get an all over tan for nothing and probably get seen on telly (as has happened in previous years when we’ve been asked to cover up). I hope to see you on the coach, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) Wayne, a local Beckworth naturist, enjoying the Wimbledon tennis last year

Take Your Clothes Off For Road Safety

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 09:01:48 +0000

Hello. In a couple of weeks, on the Sunday 14th June, your local naturists (the Beckworth and Slocombe branch) are sending a crack team to the World Naked Bike Ride that’s happening in Brighton. The event is to highlight cycling safety issues and expose the general public to the joy of riding in the nude. Exciting news is we still have some seats available on the coach. We’ll be setting off early on Sunday morning, with a pit stop “nude breakfast” arranged at services on the A23, and a “naked pub dinner” at a Harvester on the way back. So if you are a keen cyclist (with your own bike) itching to go nude this is the day trip for you, and your family. The coach will cost £175 per person (children £115) with meals and drinks extra. I hope to see you on the coach, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists