Hello. Next Thursday your local naturists, the Beckworth and Slocombe branch, are having a “no clothes allowed” Christmas lunch, followed by a disco, in the scout hut. Due to health & safety concerns at the venue we can only cater for twelve people, so ticket’s are on first come first served basis day, so don’t delay buying them. DJ at the disco will be FatBoy Slim tribute act Slim Fatboy and he promises to take requests. My close friend Wayne has already prepared a list of his favourite songs and practiced his dance moves (he watched Dirty Dancing thirty-two times last week). So you why not join us on our fantastic naked festive day? Tickets are a bargain at only £217 per person. Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) An artist’s impression of naturists standing at the bar during Slim Fatboy’s DJ set at Beckworth’s “no clothes allowed” Christmas lunch and disco