Life in Beckworth » The Apprentice

Local Lass Avoids Eviction On The Apprentice. Again.

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 22:44:17 +0000

Congratulations once gain, to local entrepreneur and female impressionist Leslie Warwick as she’s now survived four episodes of the frankly tedious The Apprentice. She was forced by Lord Al Sugar to be team leader this week and, as her team lost the “crap for pets” task by quite some margin, she faced a grilling in the board room. But once again Leslie survived. An exasperated producer described her as being like Teflon as she has some very “useful information” on fellow contestants and judges. Hence she is through to the next round on her way to winning the series. Good luck to Ms warwick, she is certainly brightening up the programme with her colourful language and physical bullying. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) A laid-back Leslie Warwick taking little notice of the judges in the boardroom

Local Lass Avoids Eviction On The Apprentice

a resident of Beckworth — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 08:46:08 +0000

Congratulations to local businesswoman, and female impressionist, Leslie Warwick as she’s survived three episodes of The Apprentice. She was fortunate not to have been dragged into the board room this week. Especially after being described as a “dead weight trannie who lost us the task” by the team leader and given a severe dressing down by Lord Al Sugar for buying a punctured second-hand rubber-dinghy for £8000. A source told me that Leslie has “dirt” on most of the contestants, and the judges, which should help her to sail through the rounds and win the series. Good luck to local lass Leslie, she makes this tired old programme well worth watching. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) Apprentice wannabee Leslie Warwick takes single-handedly losing the day’s task in her stride

Local Lass On TV Tonight. And Tomorrow Night

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 14 Oct 2015 15:36:25 +0000

I’m very proud to announce that local businesswoman, and female impressionist, Leslie Warwick is appearing on this years’ series of The Apprentice. Before filming started Leslie told me she’s not only out to win but ultimately wants to take that Karen Brady‘s seat next to Lord “You can call me” Sugar. She already does a great impression of Mrs Brady, and an even better one of Mr Sugar. Good luck to our local lass Leslie, i’m so sure she’ll win i’ve put a £5 bet on. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) Leslie Warwick, circled, with her enemies on the Apprentice

Battle Re-Enactment Today (After Work)

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 14 Oct 2015 15:33:24 +0000

Just a reminder that today, from 6pm, we will be recreating the The Battle Of Hastings on the sports field. Due to members’ work-commitments and the return of The Apprentice to our screens we will condense this large and ambitious reenactment and the sixteen of us who can make it aim to play the whole thing out in about two hours. Maybe less. I won’t give away the ending of the battle, if you want to know who wins come on down and see. The Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors

(Above) An artist’s woven impression of todays’ battle re-enactment

Apprenticeship Goes Up In Smoke

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 10:44:14 +0000

Dear all. Well, what a travesty of justice last night’s episode of The Apprentice was. I’m sure you’ll agree that Lord Sugar made a big mistake firing my cousin, the Kajagoogoo tribute act, Jack-A-GooGoo. Jack and Mr Sugar had been getting on famously until a few days ago and was believed to be a shoe-in as 2014 winner. But my cousin was appalled at this weeks’ task, having to make and sell poncey candles, and so borrowing Sugar’s credit card he buggered off to buy a pub in Bognor Regis. Jack only spent £250,000, which he quite rightly says was just an advance on his winnings, but Alan wasn’t happy (he doesn’t like Bognor) and so fired his top apprentice. What a silly bugger!! Still it’s not all bad as Jack is being allowed to keep the pub, which he and Nick Hewer hope to turn into a Kajagoogoo themed bar before Christmas.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, pub barmaid and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Jacks new family-friendly pub in Bognor Regis

Apprentice: Missing In Action

a resident of Beckworth — Thu, 16 Oct 2014 09:18:54 +0000

Dear all. If like me you were wondering where my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was in last night’s episode of The Apprentice, fear not. Jack had spent so much time “getting to know” the other apprentices after the first task that on the day of the second one he was sleeping off a hangover and missed the whole thing. Jack has smoothed things over his new BFF’s Nick Hewer and Lord Sugar and hopes to back on our screens next week, that’s if he doesn’t over do the partying!!

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above, far left) Jack manages to find time between sessions in the pub to get photographed with his fellow Apprentices

Apprentice In The Pub

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 10:06:43 +0000

Dear all. I hope you all caught the first episode of The Apprentice last night which my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was starring in it. Jack didn’t feature too much in the programme due to clever editting, and the fact that genius Jack spent most of the task (which would have involved him dressing as a hotdog) by staying in the pub with Nick Hewer and Lord Sugar. My cousin’s tactic is to keep a low profile, befriend the “judges” and therefore keep out of the boardroom. Jack sent me a sneaky text last night saying Mr Sugar is actually a top bloke in real life and bought Jack and Nick drinks and fags all day. He’s also quite small in real life and needed a step ladder to get onto his bar stall. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled for Jack next week, though if there’s hard work involved you’ll no doubt find him back in the pub with Nick and Alan!

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Sir Sugar orders another round of drinks earlier today for his BFF’s Jack and Nick

Local Lad On The Apprentice

a resident of Beckworth — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 08:46:25 +0000

Dear all. Don’t go anywhere without a telly tonight as my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo will be starring in the new series of The Apprentice. This is the sixth year Jack has tried to get on the programme and his stalking Sir Sugar has finally paid off. Fingers crossed Jack wins as the prize is about a million quid, which would pay off most of Jack’s “loans” and get us on a World cruise.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) This years’ hopeful Apprentices prepare for the new series which starts tonight

Take Off Bake Off

a resident of Beckworth — Wed, 08 Oct 2014 11:12:29 +0000

Dear all. Going by all the emails and letters i’ve been getting you are all still as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was booted off The Great British Bake Off last week. Many of us (including the hosts of the show) lost money at the bookies over it. Jack really should be on telly tonight winning the final, not watching it in the pub whilst drowning his sorrows. I’m thinking of starting a campaign to have the programme taken off air tonight such is my disgust at Jack’s treatment. And he was such a sure winner that the TV Times still have him on the cover of this week’s issue! Always the optimist Jack has got onto The Apprentice next week, and has applied for Dragon’s Den (though he’s not got an invention yet) and Grand Designs (he’s thinking of repainting his shed). So you’ll see plenty of Jack on TV as of next Wednesday.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, baking inspiration and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) The TV Times which accidentally still features would-be winner Jack (just above the vicar in Grantchester)

The O APprentice

a resident of Beckworth — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:28:42 +0000

Good evening Beckworth. I’m very pleased to see my favourite apprenticeship based TV programme, The Apprentice, is returning to our screens for its 32nd series.

But come on Sir Albert Sugar, how’s about a version for us more mature members of society? I speak for many of my generation when I say there’s plenty of juice left in the old dog, and like many I’d be up for coming out of retirement to work at your computer factory. And being an insomniac I could even work the night shift.

So Sir Sugar, don’t write us off and concentrate on youngsters, give us a punt, you’ve got nothing to lose. The BBC could even call it the Octogenarian Apprenticeship Protoges and put it on at a sensible time. Just before Bargain Hunt. Thanks, Ray Eastleigh

(Above) Sir Sugar overjoyed at the prospect of presenting another series of The Apprentice