Congratulations to local businesswoman, and female impressionist, Leslie Warwick as she’s survived three episodes of The Apprentice. She was fortunate not to have been dragged into the board room this week. Especially after being described as a “dead weight trannie who lost us the task” by the team leader and given a severe dressing down by Lord Al Sugar for buying a punctured second-hand rubber-dinghy for £8000. A source told me that Leslie has “dirt” on most of the contestants, and the judges, which should help her to sail through the rounds and win the series. Good luck to local lass Leslie, she makes this tired old programme well worth watching. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) Apprentice wannabee Leslie Warwick takes single-handedly losing the day’s task in her stride