Dear all. Going by all the emails and letters i’ve been getting you are all still as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was booted off The Great British Bake Off last week. Many of us (including the hosts of the show) lost money at the bookies over it. Jack really should be on telly tonight winning the final, not watching it in the pub whilst drowning his sorrows. I’m thinking of starting a campaign to have the programme taken off air tonight such is my disgust at Jack’s treatment. And he was such a sure winner that the TV Times still have him on the cover of this week’s issue! Always the optimist Jack has got onto The Apprentice next week, and has applied for Dragon’s Den (though he’s not got an invention yet) and Grand Designs (he’s thinking of repainting his shed). So you’ll see plenty of Jack on TV as of next Wednesday.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, baking inspiration and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) The TV Times which accidentally still features would-be winner Jack (just above the vicar in Grantchester)