HRH news just in… Prince Harold and his wife (who’s name escapes me) have been spotted looking in Beckworth estate agents windows searching for a 3 bed semi. The couple and their two children have been given a month’s notice to vacate their run-down drafty cottage by disgruntled landlord, King Charles (the monarch, not a spaniel)… I’ll keep you posted, but hopefully we’ll have Royals living amongst us soon, Christine Batley. Deputy Chief disgraced Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette
(Above) The prince trying to flog his memoir, which incorporates tips on looking “hard”
Hello Beckworthians, i’m so pleased to announce that at last the councils costly IT department are back in place, and we can once again become bloggers. My first post, this one, is for condolences: for the loss of our dear Queen, who spent many a moment driving through Beckworth on her way to places of interest to her, and condolences to us all that the Tories in their “wisdom” voted in Liz Truss to be the tenth PM in just five years (I have it on good authority that Ms Truss is keen to build both a motorway and high speed rail track on our doorstep.) As a mark of respect to our late monarch Beckworths’ public toilets will be closed until after her funeral on Monday and, once the new signage has been painted, be renamed the QE 2 Loos in her honour. Also a book of condolence has been opened in the library next to a picture of the late Queen when she visited Beckworth in her silver Jubilee year (those of us old enough to remember will recall her car broke down in the town and she went into the pub to call, and wait for, the AA). God bless her late Majesty, and God Save The King.
His humble servant, Mayor Gary Grimsby
Hello all Beckworthians, it’s good to be (almost) back online…. We are close to raising enough funds to re-instate the councils costly IT department, and we’ve also caved into their demands to continue to working from home, or the pub; such is progress. When the IT department is up and running we can resume uploading resident’s blog posts and missives… so watch this space. Mayor Gary Grimsby
NHS App news just in… Just as we were all enjoying the relaxation of all draconian Covid rules, no more mask, no social distancing, drinking in pubs and hugging each other with gay abandon whilst we enjoy the long delayed hot weather, we hear that the grossly expensive and hardly worth the bother NHS Track & Trace app is causing mayhem. It is causing far too many double-dosed people to self-isolate rather than, as our brave Prime Minister wanted to do, ignore it and carry bravely on. Our local shops have empty shelves (out local off licence has run out of wine and champers), the pub has too few bar staff and even the funeral directors are post-poning funerals due to a lack of staff to carry coffins. This madness has to stop, let herd immunity rule, and we can get back to normal, apart from the odd sniffle… Yes there are those who are vulnerable, but as Boris has pointed out, they can still wear masks, avoid going on buses (walking would be good for them) and go to the supermarkets when the rest of us are at home… Midnight would seem sensible, if the shops are open… I’ll keep you posted when the off licence has good vino back in, Christine Batley. Deputy Chief NHS App Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette