Hello. Following the discovery last week of a “Cinderella like glass slipper” in the park today a “matching” glove has been found resting by the zebra crossing between the betting shop and the pawn shop. Thankfully there are no signs of a violent struggle on the pavement (side-walk to our American residents) to imply a mugging by Romanian beggars nor are there skid-marks on the road to suggest kidnap. Although the glove and shoe don’t have a name written inside, it is safe to assume the two belong to the same owner. The high street is currently sealed off and being “dusted for clues” by forensics, but we need your help with this mysterious “Cinderella” case. Have you see a lady, or transvestite, lose a shoe and glove recently? Are you harbouring a friend or relative who has a habit of losing clothing? Maybe you yourself are in denial due to beatings from a wicked stepmother or have ugly sisters who are constantly taking your footwear and mittens? If so ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station. I will be single-handedly handling this dangerous case and hope to be in line for a large reward when I find who the owner. I’ll keep you posted on the case as it happens. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police

(Above) Cinderella’s glove found by the betting office