First Clue Found In Four Months

Hello. I don’t know about you but I’ve had a fantastic autumn so far. Due to stress I’ve had months off from work and so have enjoyed catching up on all the things you promise to do when you’ve got lot’s of time off. Like joining a pub’s dart team. It may not be the best team in the county, in fact we’re ranked bottom of the league, but it’s the taking part that counts. That and the heavy drinking. Almost every night we were out. My dartsmanship didn’t improve but my reliance on alcohol went off the scale. Sadly all things come to an end, and being banned from most pubs in the area has coincided with me returning to police duties. So i’ve handed in my darts. But as luck would have it my first week back at work has me striking rich. After a four month clue-famine today PC Rozzer and I have found a tantalising bit of Stag Do Massacre evidence whilst out on the beat. A shiny blue plastic hula-hoop. Interestingly it has been left wrapped around a lamp-post, so the owner must have been tall enough to hoop it neatly over the top. And this is where you, the general public, can help. Maybe you know a 12′ tall could-be murderer, or someone with a ladder, who’s a champion hula-hooper and has lost their prized hoop? Perhaps you’ve seen a dodgy magician pass hula hoops through solid objects? Or is it a hoola-hoop at all, maybe it’s a sleeping snake? If you know get in touch… Of course the hoop may be totally irrelevant to the murder case (and my superiors have said that about all the clues i’ve found so far) in which case we can remove it from our enquiries. Still, it’s a relief to find something. My boss has said if i don’t find clues, or suspects, or the murder victim by Christmas they will wrap up the case as unsolved, or as not having happened… and we can’t have that. But if the great British public could plant some clues you’d be keeping me and Rozzer in a job, so please spread the word. And once a clue has been left, somewhere easy for me to find, please ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station. If you don’t catch me or PC Rozzer at the station leave a message, or better still join us at the bus-shelter where we’ve taken to having a can of strong lager or five during quiet moments. I’ll keep you posted on murder developments when I can. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police.

Beckworth_Hula Hoop

(Above) The latest find vital to solving the Stag Do Massacre

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