Hello. I just thought i’d share the fantastic news that this morning local Police (namely me) have probably found the missing computer belonging to an absent-minded MI5 agent (Government spy). A bit of detective work had me literally falling over it outside a house belonging to hardman Vinnie Jones. The spy, simply known as Jerry, left his laptop computer containing all this country’s Most Top Secret files on a train after he got drunk at a leaving do last Friday. He was worried it might fall into the wrong hands (i.e. A foreign spy might find it, or worse, it might get sold on Ebay) so obviously i’ll be in line for a big cash reward and maybe even a knighthood for finding it. I’ll keep you posted once i’ve contacted the lost property bit of MI5. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police

(Above) The missing MI5 computer found today in the street outside Vinnie Jone’s house