Hello, if you excuse the pun the Stag Do Massacre case is really hotting up. Well, it’s not really but we’ve found a discarded heater in the street near the Police station. PC Rozzer and I were having a late night wander and literally fell over it. It’s most likely part of the fixtures and fittings from the club where the murder took place and due to being violently removed is bound to be covered in the gang’s dabs (finger prints). The fire is currently being destroyed by the anti-terrorist bomb-squad (as they believe it to be a health hazard), but once they’ve finished with it we’ll dust the remains for clues. But we also need the public’s help with this case, and that’s where you come in. Perhaps you’ve seen a gang of blood covered men carrying radiators, thermostats, maybe even a boiler? Have you seen groups of criminals trying to flog night storage heaters? Or maybe you know a thing or two about getting the “fake log” bit on old electric fires to light up like flames? If so CID would like to hear from you. Please ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station, but you may not catch me in as PC Rozzer and I are currently working reduced hours as we’re trying to get suntans. But I’ll keep you posted on murder developments when I can. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police.

(Above) The three-bar fire used in the Stag Do Massacre