Greetings fitness fans. In recognition of today being International Knitting In Public Day we at Chegwins Gym are hosting a day of classes from Clare Balding’s highly successful Hit & Knit course. All classes will be held outdoors in the grounds of the cemetery next door (or inside the chapel of rest if it rains) and taken by acclaimed “black-belt” teacher Michael McIntyre and his new assistant Germaine Greer. Classes will start at 12 if Mr McIntyre can get his flatmate Mrs Greer get up in time. But come early as places are very limited and space between the graves quite tight. For the uninitiated the Hit & Knit franchise was started a few years ago by TV’s favourite horse-botherer Ms Clare Balding and seeks to give students of all ages and sexual persuasions a grounding in the mental, & highly physical, riguers of knitting combined with the keep-fit pummeling of boxing. Today’s one-hour “sample” classes cost £53 to attend (£43 for students and low-life on benefits) with enrolement for the whole Autumn course will commencing next month. For the less abled or lethargic we will also be laying on crochet, sewing and cake eating demonstrations. See you in the cemetery… Rod S. Welling, manager, Chegwins Gym.