What better way could there be to celebrate Father’s Day than with a family day-out to visit us friendly folk at Fawke’s. We understand that buying a gift for the ungrateful old duffer can be a real grind, and a waste of money especially since he’s needlessly spending all your inheritance by living in a nursing home. But a visit to us means your dilemma is over and will show your Dad and jealous siblings why you should be the sole inheritor. Our team of experts can distract Dad with a cup of weak tea and a chat about the war and his penchant for cross-dressing whilst you discreetly make his funeral arrangements. As a special offer (on Sunday only) we are giving 15% off all our paternal funerals, as long as you put down an 85% non-refundable deposit and can guarantee the old fella will be buried in the next three months. So swing by on Sunday with your unwanted father and we’ll have him measured up for a coffin before you can say “poor sod has no idea what day of the week it is, so it’s more humane this way.” All dad’s, young and old, tall or small, lean or slightly portly are welcome (but not too heavy please; as “big-boned” oldies are a bugger to carry without dropping). So if you want a little help with Mr Death visiting your Pa soon come and see us, we’ll make his speedy journey to the grave seem like it was natural causes. Job done. Yours Gareth Fawkes. Fawkes Funerals.