Diwali Celebrations Go Off With A Bang

Hello. It was literally all “hands to the pump” last night when Diwali celebrations on the playing fields took an unfortunate turn for the worse. The impressive fireworks display, organised by Taylor Swift to publicise her new album, had drawn a crowd of tens of admirers when one of the fireworks went off course and landed on the portaloo outside the dentists. No one took any action as the plastic building smouldered but unbeknown to spectators who’d gathered to watch the smoke and flames the loo contained a lethal build up of methane, which after half an hour exploded. Luckily quick thinking Bim Gujranwala, the manager of the nearby 99p Land shop (who have ideal Diwali gifts on sale) rushed out with bottles of lemonade which he sold to bystanders who rapidly doused the fire. Well done to hero Bim. The devastation caused was minimal but windows close by shattered and one poor man’s wig blew into a tree (which the fire brigade promise to get down when they get their fire engine back from the garage). All in all the improvised “bonfire” was a splendid way to round off the evenings festival of light celebrations. Christine Batley. Chief Diwali Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

Melted_portaloo

(Above) The portaloo damaged by Dewali fireworks

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