News just in… New rulings passed down by the European Court Of Human Rights today will have far reaching repercussions to anyone in the sex-trade, artists models, page 3 stunners and workers in legit massage parlours. The court has passed a law that decrees that no one in the UK can be naked (or semi-naked, top or bottom) whilst in the presence of a working person, especially if that person is engaged in manual labour, as this would violate their human rights and probably make them blush. Initial outlines of the rule sates that clients having a massage will be instructed to wear coats and big jumpers whilst their masseur gets hands on and (semi-)nude models will have to pose under sheets or thick wool blankets. The rules on how strippers can “perform” is said to still be under review with a guide to follow in the new year. It goes without saying that naturists will only run fowl of this legislation if they try to enter a shop or workplace minus clothes or engage any street sweepers in conversation. I will of course keep you informed when I find out more about how this draconian new law will effect us all. Christine Batley. Chief No-More Nudes At Work Or In Shops Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) Today’s court ruling could mean that in the future Nude Statues will also be required to cover up in public