Breaking police news… Police unions at their annual conference in Beckworth have voted unanimously on new rules regarding uniforms and kit. It was decided that serving officers must wear uniform and use official equipment 24/7, 365 days a year. Thus they will be identifiable to the public at all times. This is to be implemented due to many instances of detectives working undercover getting sued by anarchists and crooks for deception. A spokeswoman said “If people can clearly see we’re coppers they can’t take us to court for pretending we’re not… Getting sued is costing us billions of pounds at a time we need to be saving money.” She then added “Granted it’ll make infiltrating gangs and taking on aliases a bit harder but with the right training we’re sure we can get way with wearing our beloved uniform and handcuffs at all times. Even in the shower. Or in our newly issued police beds. After all British rozzers are the best in the World, awake or asleep!!” Good luck to our brave boys and girls in blue. Christine Batley. Chief Police Day Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) The new police issue bed, due to became a coppers standard bit of kit. Essential if working under cover