Many commuters were today struck by a double-dose of travel misery, effecting both the working-classes who can’t afford a car (or are banned from driving) and inconveniencing residents who choose to shun local shops and drive to the large out-of-town Tesburys supermarket. Users of the Beckworth to Slocombe Road experienced long queues as the road is dug up by utility companies for the fifth time in six months (work is expected to last 4 weeks and leave deep potholes in the road) and for train users delays are ongoing on the recently opened 3 mile Beckworth to Inmanston railway (due to leaves on the line and the wrong kind of rain splashing the rails). A spokesman for the rail franchise (run by ex-politician John “One Train” Prescott) said “once we can be arsed to clear the tracks a normal two trains a week service will resume. In the meantime a rail-replacement bus service is in operation and Beckworth Roamer travelcards will be accepted by local bike-hire companies.” So good luck to all travellers during this difficult time. Christine Batley. Chief Transport Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) Rail Franchise owner, and sole train driver, John Prescott earlier today patiently waiting at a red signal near Beckworth station due to lethal leaves on, and near, the track