Visit Santa’s Socially Distanced Winter Wonderland

After a few years away (at her Majesty’s pleasure) I am pleased to announce the opening of the first Santa’sWonderfulWonderLand in a few years… Just in time for Christmas. We have made a bit of an effort to follow Covid guidelines, but to be honest we didn’t really understand them so did the same as usual. To pull in the crowds of covidiots we’ve dusted off our all old rides including the UK’s only pedal-powered ferris wheel (which made the news last outing as it kept stopping! Still any publicity is good in my book) and our famed boat-ride through the manmade water-filled caves and drainage pipes. No trip would be the same without paying a bit extra to queue for the outdoor Santas Grotto, where you can wave at Father Christmas from a safe distance. Sadly we’ve had to close the reindeer riding arena (for under fives only) as all the reindeer died and our Frozen 2 themed (unheated) cafe will be selling frozen food as take-out. We’ll also be selling alcohol from under the counter, password is “I wanna get pissed”. We tried to spray the whole place with fake snow (tiny polystyrene balls) but they’ve all blown away, so don’t expect the place to look festive. I’ve re-employed co-manager Robin Thicke, he reckons this Christmas & Frozen themed park is one of the best he’s ever worked at, and he’s been to quite a few between singing gigs at holiday camps. So come and celebrate Christmas this week and forget about Covid for a few days. Yours Dick Van Preston. Manager. Santa’sWonderfulWonderLand.

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