Local Celebrity To Be Flown In As Replacement On Dangerous TV Show

Posted on 08/02/2016 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. I hope you’ll all start watching Channel 4′s dreadful programme The Jump, as my cousin Jack a Googoo will be appearing on it as of this week. Due to so many celebrities getting injured on the show and quitting Jack was offered a lot of money to be flown out to some snowy mountain and appear on the dangerous amateur ski jump programme. He will of course sing his covers of Kajagoogoo classics whilst flying through the air. And the producers didn’t seem that bothered that under normal circumstances he finds standing up difficult, so God knows what he’ll be like on ski’s? Anyway, it should make Channel 4 worth watching for once!

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, ski instructor and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Jack a Googoo looks forward to some apres ski earlier today

Don’t Ever Watch The Voice Again

Posted on 25/01/2016 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Apologies to all those who tuned into the The Voice last Saturday to watch my cousin Jack a Googoo sing his way to win the appalling singing show. Unfortunately due to a fracas just before Jack was due on stage meant that poor Jack was ejected from the studios. Jack is accused of punching a producer, something that happens a lot at the BBC I hear, and is now banned from their reality shows. I’m thinking of starting a petition to get the awful show off the BBC, it’s a waste of tax payers money, in the meantime don’t watch it! But not to worry as every storm cloud has a silver lining; Jack has recently taken up acting and is starting to make his name as an extra. He’s already filmed a few scenes for TV; this coming Sunday he is some Russian bloke in War & Peace and in February he’ll be seen playing a violent drunk on Casualty. The director told me he was a natural. I didn’t have the heart to tell him Jack was actually p****d during filming. I believe they call it method acting. They didn’t even have to use pretend vomit because Jack was so good. And don’t despair, although talented Jack is embarking on a new career he is still available for bookings to sing Kajagoogoo songs at political demos, childrens’ parties, wakes, shop openings, etc. So give me a ring to book him before he’s whisked off to Hollywood.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, survival trainer and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above, circled in red) Jack-A-Googoo pictured with the happy cast of War & Peace

Watch The Voice This Weekend

Posted on 22/01/2016 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. I hope you’ll all be watching The Voice this Saturday as my cousin Jack a Googoo will be back on it. It’s his second attempt at winning the frankly appalling show and he stands a very good chance of winning now that Tom Jones isn’t on it (Tom was threatened by Jack’s singing ability. And by some photos Jack had). Jack tells me he’s hoping to get on Boy George‘s team this time (He’s got some “interesting” photos of him which got him back on the show), so he’s chosen to sing Calm The Chameleon. I think the show is filmed live from 7 so make sure you tune in and vote for him to win. Let’s get Jack back on TV so he can raise his celebrity profile. And whilst Jack is on the telly his bookings to sing Kajagoogoo songs at weddings, births, deaths, divorces, etc. will cost quite a bit more… But don’t worry, give me a ring to book him and i’ll do you a tidy deal.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, survival trainer and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Boy George pictured earlier today on his way to have his bikini-line waxed prior to The Voice rehearsals

Outrage As Local Celebrity Will Not Be Appearing In The Jungle

Posted on 10/11/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. I’m sure you are all as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo will not be appearing on the new TV series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Producers have said that Jack is not a celebrity! I disagree as he’s better known than Lady Colin Campbell who’s going to be on. No one’s ever heard of him… And I’d like to see this Colin eat kangeroo b******s and scorpion’s willies in the bush tucker trial. Jack would scoff them as he’d be too p****d to notice. Rumour has it that Jack’s good friends Lord Sugar, Mary Berry and her son Paul Hollywood will be in the new series, and they’d love Jack to be with them. He’s such good fun when he’s drunk. Which he always is. But not to be outdone by smart-arse TV people i’m going to start fundraising to get him flown out to Australia so he can sneak into the jungle unannounced. That will give those dwarves Ant and Dec a shock! So please help me with the fundraising and let’s get Jack back on TV. And of course whilst Jack is still in this country he is available to sing at weddings, births, divorces, etc. so give me a ring to book him.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, survival trainer and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Jack managed to get on set with Ant and Dec in the UK recently, which as can be seen made them very happy

Apprenticeship Goes Up In Smoke

Posted on 23/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Well, what a travesty of justice last night’s episode of The Apprentice was. I’m sure you’ll agree that Lord Sugar made a big mistake firing my cousin, the Kajagoogoo tribute act, Jack-A-GooGoo. Jack and Mr Sugar had been getting on famously until a few days ago and was believed to be a shoe-in as 2014 winner. But my cousin was appalled at this weeks’ task, having to make and sell poncey candles, and so borrowing Sugar’s credit card he buggered off to buy a pub in Bognor Regis. Jack only spent £250,000, which he quite rightly says was just an advance on his winnings, but Alan wasn’t happy (he doesn’t like Bognor) and so fired his top apprentice. What a silly bugger!! Still it’s not all bad as Jack is being allowed to keep the pub, which he and Nick Hewer hope to turn into a Kajagoogoo themed bar before Christmas.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, pub barmaid and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Jacks new family-friendly pub in Bognor Regis

Apprentice: Missing In Action

Posted on 16/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. If like me you were wondering where my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was in last night’s episode of The Apprentice, fear not. Jack had spent so much time “getting to know” the other apprentices after the first task that on the day of the second one he was sleeping off a hangover and missed the whole thing. Jack has smoothed things over his new BFF’s Nick Hewer and Lord Sugar and hopes to back on our screens next week, that’s if he doesn’t over do the partying!!

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above, far left) Jack manages to find time between sessions in the pub to get photographed with his fellow Apprentices

Apprentice In The Pub

Posted on 15/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. I hope you all caught the first episode of The Apprentice last night which my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was starring in it. Jack didn’t feature too much in the programme due to clever editting, and the fact that genius Jack spent most of the task (which would have involved him dressing as a hotdog) by staying in the pub with Nick Hewer and Lord Sugar. My cousin’s tactic is to keep a low profile, befriend the “judges” and therefore keep out of the boardroom. Jack sent me a sneaky text last night saying Mr Sugar is actually a top bloke in real life and bought Jack and Nick drinks and fags all day. He’s also quite small in real life and needed a step ladder to get onto his bar stall. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled for Jack next week, though if there’s hard work involved you’ll no doubt find him back in the pub with Nick and Alan!

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Sir Sugar orders another round of drinks earlier today for his BFF’s Jack and Nick

Local Lad On The Apprentice

Posted on 14/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Don’t go anywhere without a telly tonight as my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo will be starring in the new series of The Apprentice. This is the sixth year Jack has tried to get on the programme and his stalking Sir Sugar has finally paid off. Fingers crossed Jack wins as the prize is about a million quid, which would pay off most of Jack’s “loans” and get us on a World cruise.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, business partner and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) This years’ hopeful Apprentices prepare for the new series which starts tonight

Take Off Bake Off

Posted on 08/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Going by all the emails and letters i’ve been getting you are all still as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was booted off The Great British Bake Off last week. Many of us (including the hosts of the show) lost money at the bookies over it. Jack really should be on telly tonight winning the final, not watching it in the pub whilst drowning his sorrows. I’m thinking of starting a campaign to have the programme taken off air tonight such is my disgust at Jack’s treatment. And he was such a sure winner that the TV Times still have him on the cover of this week’s issue! Always the optimist Jack has got onto The Apprentice next week, and has applied for Dragon’s Den (though he’s not got an invention yet) and Grand Designs (he’s thinking of repainting his shed). So you’ll see plenty of Jack on TV as of next Wednesday.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, baking inspiration and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) The TV Times which accidentally still features would-be winner Jack (just above the vicar in Grantchester)

Outrage On Bake-Off

Posted on 02/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. I’m sure you are all as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo was booted off The Great British Bake Off semi-final last night, especially as he was tipped by bookies and the show’s hosts to win. Jack was forcibly ejected from the tent by producers for the trumped up charge of being drunk in charge of a blender and trying to steal other contestants “showstoppers”. Rumour is Mary Berry and her son Paul Dollywood had to be given incentives to carry on with the show such was their admiration for Jack. A hungover Jack rang me from his bed to say he’s not going to take this lying down and may well sue, but in the meantime he’s going to try his hand once again on the X-Factor and apply to be on Come Dine With Me. So you’ll see plenty of Jack on TV this year, which is a blessing.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, baking inspiration and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) A visibly upset Mary Berry on hearing of Jack’s swift exit from Bake Off

Life in Beckworth

Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings

Category Archives: Nelly Ryde

Local Celebrity To Be Flown In As Replacement On Dangerous TV Show

Don’t Ever Watch The Voice Again

Watch The Voice This Weekend

Outrage As Local Celebrity Will Not Be Appearing In The Jungle

Apprenticeship Goes Up In Smoke

Apprentice: Missing In Action

Apprentice In The Pub

Local Lad On The Apprentice

Take Off Bake Off

Outrage On Bake-Off

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