Hello to all my devoted followers and apologies for the inordinant gap between my blogs. As you know tending to my beautiful hair, playing in my band Tears For Fears and steering my successful TV career take presidence over everything else. But now i’m back. And once again answering your difficult questions… Today, the first day of Autumn, I have been inundated with three emails asking: “Gorgeous Professor Brian can you answer the conundrum “Why Do we Have Autumn? And how does your hair always look so vibrant?”” I’ll keep the answer brief as the former is more historical than scientific, and the latter a secret i’ll take to the grave. As i’m very, very inteligent I’ve managed to research this Autumnal diemna whilst sat in make-up getting lovingly touched up by a fawning young man (I’m about to appear, and no doubt win, an episode of Pointless this afternoon)…
Autumn was invented many moons ago by the ancient Greeks as a way of describing the in-between weeks and months betwixt the heat of summer and the wintry cold of winter. After much research the clever Greek philosopher Barius Autumnus noticed that the climate changed gradually from September through to Christmas and the nights grew mysteriously longer, as if the sun was getting p****d off. He also noticed the leaves falling off trees (as did conkers but that’s another story) and that around this time people started wearing coats and scarfs. And warm vests. He declared that the ancient world should rejoice and embrace a new season. One in which farmers could bring in the harvest and the rains could fall almost daily. An additional ninety-two days to join the 250+ days already stationed within the traditional three seasons. At first Barius thought of calling it Second Spring. Or Late Summer Time. But these didn’t catch on. Then his pushy wife persuaded him that giving this fourth season his family surname, Autumnus, would give them greater social status. This would be fortunate as near neighbours, the Summerius family, thought themselves superior due to their Great Great Great Grandmother having invented summer. So Autumnus, or autumn as we now know it, came into being. As 21st September was Mrs Autumnus’s birthday it was chosen by Barius as the day the season would always start, which made a nice present for his wife. And that as they say “Is history”.
Right, now that my mascara and lipstick have been applied and my hair has been teased and volumised, I’m rushing off to meet my close friends from Pointless in the TV studio bar for a livener or three before we record the show. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.
(Above) Prof Brian Cox clearing leaves from his drive earlier yesterday
