Dear Prof Clocks Why Do The Cox Change Twice A Year? Wouldn’t Once Be Enough?

Hello all, it’s your favourite popstar turned genius here. Yes, the Godlike Prof Brian Cox. As is usual this time of the year readers have been wasting my precious time, wanting me to answer the same scientifically tedious question, year in year out, it never changes… I’m talking about you all asking why do the clocks change. And why do it twice… I’m in a bit of rush but the succinct answer is because of those unelected rule-makers in Europe. Over a hundred years ago they decreed that our glorious United Kingdom need to be taught a lesson and given a bloody nose (it was during WW1 after all). So spies from the continent sneaked into Great Britain and started messing around with all the clocks, putting them forward by an hour or so (or it may have been back)… Because of this our poor soldiers were getting up in the middle of the night to fight the Gerrys and by day break were totally exhausted…. It took 6 months before all the clocks were put back to the right time. Our government at the time thought this was all spiffing fun seeing the working class getting up at unGodly hours that they decided to keep the clock changing going, twice a year… And now we’re so used to it that no one argues that it’s a great waste of time or question why we do it! So that’s the answer… now i’ve got to rush, I’m having a lazy Sunday lunch and drinks with one of my best celebrity pals, Declan Donnelly, who’s looking for a new workmate…. See you soon, and keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Clocks Why Are The Cox Still Changing?

Hello all, your wonderful, Godlike, Prof Brian Cox here. As per usual readers have been wasting my precious time, wanting me to answer the same scientifically tedious questions, year in year out… I’m talking about why twice a year you ask why do the clocks change. So once again i’m just going to say “read my previous blogs on the matter”… Why not ask me something challenging, and timely to fit in with Red Nose Day like “my dog has no nose, so how does he smell?” or about horses ask “why do they have long faces?” Talking of Red Nose Day I think you should start a petition to have me present it, as my hair always looks great and lifts any occasion, and am just as funny as Jonathan Ross. Anyway i’ve got to rush, I’m having Sunday brunch and drinks with my good celebrity pal Joey Essex…. See you soon, so keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

Dear Prof Clocks Why Are The Cox Still Changing?

Hello all, your beloved Prof Brian Cox here. As per usual you lot are asking me to waste my precious time answering the same scientifically tedious questions, year in year out. I’m talking about why twice a year you ask why do the clocks change. If I had a fiver for all the times i’ve told you the answer i’d have enough to buy a CD of the Best of (my old band) Tears For Fears. So this year i’m just going to say read my previous blogs on the matter… Why not ask me something deep like “why is the air see-through” or “what is the best way to keep one’s hair looking immaculate?” In the mean time i’m going to enjoy an extra hour in bed before having Sunday lunch round at the “palace” of my good celebrity pals Charles and Camilla…. No doubt i’ll be back answering your insipid queries soon, so keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) A Tears For Fears Best of available from all good petrol stations

Why Are The Clocks Changing Again Prof Cox?

Hello all, Prof Brian Cox here. Once again, and I do mean again, I am using my brain that that’s the size of a planet to answer your repeatedly tedious questions. I’m a patient, yet extremely busy, celebrity doctor with gorgeous hair aiming to improve your humdrum lives, but please stop trying to elicit the same b****y information from me. At this time of year I can be certain that some k**b will ask me why do leaves go brown, is it time to put the central heating on or why do the clocks change? I got asked the latter just yesterday by one of my foreign celebrity fans, Xi Jinping, the King of China who I met at a boring function in London. On being introduced to me he failed to bow or even mention how great my hair looked, which put me in a bad mood. Then, to add insult to injury, he got me to sign an Ultravox 12″ single. Even though I’d said I was in Tears For Fears. Anyway, I told him in no uncertain terms, as i’m telling you, please make the effort to read my fact filled blog entry (on this site) about the b****y clocks changing, as I only wrote it two years ago. It’s all there and i’m in no mood to repeat myself. ‘Nuff said. The king looked a bit crest-fallen when I had to rush off and leave him, but I had an important engagement to play croquet with my new best friends The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge and David Cameron. No doubt i’ll be back answering your insipid queries soon, so keep the faith. Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) The King of China tries to tell a disgruntled Dr Cox a funny story about a large fish he’d once caught

Dear Prof Cox, Why Do we Have Autumn?

Hello to all my devoted followers and apologies for the inordinant gap between my blogs. As you know tending to my beautiful hair, playing in my band Tears For Fears and steering my successful TV career take presidence over everything else. But now i’m back. And once again answering your difficult questions… Today, the first day of Autumn, I have been inundated with three emails asking: “Gorgeous Professor Brian can you answer the conundrum “Why Do we Have Autumn? And how does your hair always look so vibrant?”” I’ll keep the answer brief as the former is more historical than scientific, and the latter a secret i’ll take to the grave. As i’m very, very inteligent I’ve managed to research this Autumnal diemna whilst sat in make-up getting lovingly touched up by a fawning young man (I’m about to appear, and no doubt win, an episode of Pointless this afternoon)…

Autumn was invented many moons ago by the ancient Greeks as a way of describing the in-between weeks and months betwixt the heat of summer and the wintry cold of winter. After much research the clever Greek philosopher Barius Autumnus noticed that the climate changed gradually from September through to Christmas and the nights grew mysteriously longer, as if the sun was getting p****d off. He also noticed the leaves falling off trees (as did conkers but that’s another story) and that around this time people started wearing coats and scarfs. And warm vests. He declared that the ancient world should rejoice and embrace a new season. One in which farmers could bring in the harvest and the rains could fall almost daily. An additional ninety-two days to join the 250+ days already stationed within the traditional three seasons. At first Barius thought of calling it Second Spring. Or Late Summer Time. But these didn’t catch on. Then his pushy wife persuaded him that giving this fourth season his family surname, Autumnus, would give them greater social status. This would be fortunate as near neighbours, the Summerius family, thought themselves superior due to their Great Great Great Grandmother having invented summer. So Autumnus, or autumn as we now know it, came into being. As 21st September was Mrs Autumnus’s birthday it was chosen by Barius as the day the season would always start, which made a nice present for his wife. And that as they say “Is history”.

Right, now that my mascara and lipstick have been applied and my hair has been teased and volumised, I’m rushing off to meet my close friends from Pointless in the TV studio bar for a livener or three before we record the show. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

Fall Photos(Above) Prof Brian Cox clearing leaves from his drive earlier yesterday

Do You Know A Good Hangover Cure Brian Cox?

Hello to all my devoted followers and my beloved hairdresser. Beautiful Professor Brian here to answer your New Year’s question “Is There A Cure For A Hangover?” I’ll keep this brief as for some unknown reason i’ve got a really bad headache and a bout of nausea… When our prehistoric ancestors invented alcohol as a way of forgetting their woes (noisy dinosaurs flattening their mud huts, mammoths eating the family etc) they accidentally gave the world the hangover. For millennia cultures have searched for an elusive remedy… But after 3 or 4 weeks of non-stop hands-on research on behalf of all humankind I’ve discovered that the best cure for a hangover is (drum roll please while i flick my luscious fringe)… to just carry on drinking through the next day… and the next.

So, in the spirit of scientific discovery I’m rushing off to meet my close friends from Top Gear in the wine bar for a shandy or three. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Professor Cox’s drinking buddy Clarky Clarkson gets the first round in earlier today, who alongside Andy Hamster and Jimmy May are researching hangovers

Why Do We Have New Years Day Brian Cox?

Hello all. Professor Brian here to answer a query left hanging around since the beginning of 2015. Many of you asked “Why do we have a New Year’s Day?” and I promised to tell you (and I’ve not forgotten my promise to find a hangover cure. Rest assured i’m conducting a lot of hands on research on your behalf).

Like many things we take for granted we need to thank the Roman’s for having New Year’s Day. It was invented by a Roman general in the 1st century AD as a response to the ancient Greeks who’d recently invented New Year’s Eve and in doing so had gained a reputation as being popular party people. The general, named Partimus Drunkimus, never got invited to these January 31st night-time gatherings and so drew up plans and recipes for his own day of merriment, games, food and beverages. These quickly caught on throughout the Western World, especially his game of musical statues and his cocktail Brandy Alexandra (named in honour of Alexander The Great), which we continue to enjoy to this day. So because of jealousy we now have both New Years Day and Eve to enjoy… See you soon to discuss hangovers, in the meantime I’m rushing off to meet my best friend Boris Johnson in the pub for a game of darts. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) A statue of Partimus Drunkimus clutching the brandy alexandra he invented

 

New Years Promise…

Hello all and happy Monday to all my legions of fans and followers. Professor Brian here, and as promised I’m going to answer your queries about New Year’s Day and hangover cures… But unfortunately it won’t be today as i’m feeling a bit light-headed and giddy from spending an enlightening weekend with my new closest friends Status Quo. So hold tight a wee bit longer and i’ll tell all asap. Promise.

In the meantime I’m off to have my beautiful hair brushed by my celebrity hairdresser Reg Sassoon in the high street. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Professor Brian Cox’s best friends Status Quo posing in their garage earlier today

Why Do We Have New Years Day… And Is There A Cure For A New Year’s Eve Hangover?

Hello all and happy New Year to all my fans and scholars. Professor Brian here, and (due to contractual agreement) I’ve been asked to answer a query from those of you who don’t have my huge capacity for knowledge or my natural handsomeness and lovely hair. Today’s question has been emailed, texted and shouted at me by dozens of you recently… “Why do we have a New Year’s Day? And Is There A Cure For A New Year’s Eve Hangover?” Funilly enough, this is the fourth most asked question I get asked whilst out and about shopping in town and so know the answer without looking it up (for those interested the most common enquiry I get is “Why is the earth round?” Second; “How long is a piece of string?” And the third “Can you get that tin down off the top shelf for me please”).

In a break from tradition I’m going to answer this question in two parts, so you dear general public can take it all on board. Also, neither of them will be explained here today as i’m still feeling a bit “reupholstered” from seeing in 2015 with my dear friends from the cast of Downton Abbey and Holby. So hold tight a few more hours, or more likely days, and i’ll tell all asap. Promise.

In the meantime I’m rushing off to meet my close friends Take That in the Sainsco Cafe. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Sir Brian Cox’s close friends Take That pictured with some 2nd hand bargains they’d bought earlier today at the church hall jumble sale

Who Invented Gravity?

Hello all and happy autumn. Professor Brian here, and once again I’ve been asked to help those of you who don’t have my huge intelligence or good looks and great hair. Today, i’m answering a question emailed in from a Mr Arsene Wenger of North London and it’s one I get asked most harvest times. Arse says “Dear Brian. Yesterday I was sitting under a tree sheltering from the rain and a pear fell on my head. It got me thinking, who invented gravity and how long ago? I guess there was a time before it existed but history books don’t mention it. Please can you help? Yours, A Wenger”

Great question Mr Venger, but first may I suggest to you that you avoid sitting under a tree during a storm as it’s very dangerous (but that’s a story for another day). Also pears having nothing to do with the story of gravity… but amazingly another fruit does.
To find out when gravity was invented I had to do a lot of research and found myself in Beckworth library reading about the middle ages (i’m not sure what they were in the middle of yet, but with my inteligence i’m bound to find out).

I discovered a dusty old book called an Encyclopedia which explained that gravity hadn’t always existed and was invented some time between 1200AD and the out-break of World War One (some chapters were missing from the book so an exact date is beyond me). I did find out that it’s inventor was a Mr Sir Ian Newton. He was a scientist like me, but as he hasn’t played in a 1980s pop band as I have, you may not have heard of him. Anyway, one autumn day after hard day being scientific Mr Newton was resting under a tree when an apple (probably a Cox) fell on his head. Being very clever like me he got to thinking about apples and trees and stuff. He spent years (and lots of juicy apples) experimenting and soon had invented gravity. Although we now take it pretty much for granted it wasn’t until years after Newton’s death that gravity was accepted as existing. So poor old Mr Sir Ian never knew how his invention would enrich human lives, and make us very wary of resting in orchards. I hope that answers your question Arse.

With his fact complete I’m rushing off to meet my close friends Spandau Ballet in the Sainsco Cafe. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Dr Cox tries to get to grips with an apple whilst explaining gravity earlier today