Dear all, I have sad news to share. My popular mother, widower Celia Luton, passed away on the 38 bus earlier this week, and she will be buried next Thursday at St Faiths. Due to her dying on public transport it is down to the council to arrange transport for her journey from the bus depot to the church (I believe they have a converted “hopper” bus for such solemn occasions). As you’ll know my dear mother was a hobbiest inventor and the world would be a poorer place without her many useful everyday extending items. The telescopic selfie stick and telescopic bus pass holder her best known. Mum will be buried according to her final wishes in a coffin of her design. The telescopic coffin she recently patented, and had shown on Dragon’s Den, will increase in length from 5′ 6″ to 25′ during her send off service, and need 16 council-supplied pallbearers (bus drivers) with a forklift to lift into her long grave. Many thanks, Sandy Luton

(Above) Mrs Luton lying in state at the bus garage in her patented telescopic coffin (shown partially extended earlier today)