Just to let you know that tonight’s much anticipated Zayn Panic (Zayn Malik tribute) gig has been cancelled after the one-man band split-up over breakfast. Zayn Panic’s 53 year old vocalist and multi-instrumentalist Dave has cited musical differences and a lack of Frosties as a reason for the split. Once voted “Birmingham’s Thirteenth Best Zayn Malik tribute band” by readers of The Daily Mail Dave says he may reform as a Harry Styles tribute later in the week. Tickets are still available for tonight’s cancelled concert and are an ideal present for collectors of unused One Direction ephemera.

Yours Terence Eccles. General Manager, The Macadamia Hall

(Above) The Zayn Malik tribute act who sadly split up earlier today