“Award Winning” Simian Circus Show Rolls Into Town

Dear all. This weekend the World’s premier primate entertainment extravaganza will be coming to Beckworth and it promises to be an amazing show for the whole family and pets. This is the first time that China’s Monkey Magic has come to these shores, after being banned for the past 47 years, and we are honoured that our town is their first port of call on this inaugural tour. The show is now allowed in the UK as it has allegedly been given a clean bill of health by China’s own health & safety experts and is claimed to have “won” 3 or 4 animal hygiene certificates, plus an “award for the the best use of monkeys in a Chinese state sponsored show”. The shows will take place in a borrowed circus-tent pitched on the sports field and tickets for each dazzling show are £125 per adult or £55.50 for children under three. A press release, translated from Mandarin, claims the two-hour long show “is staged entirely by apes and the audience should expect to see violence, swearing, urinating on stage and scenes of simian nudity.” It goes on to give lurid details of the acts which include “motorbike-riding gorillas performing dangerous stunts whilst smoking pot and drinking; orangutan “clowns“ throwing excrement at the audience; baboons Bing and his wife Bong the world famous lion tamers; high-wire displays by an acrobatic gang of unruly gibbons (one even gets fired out of a canon, extra impressive as there’s no safety net!!); sword-swallowing juggling contortionist macaques; and stars of the show three bike-riding chimpanzees. All compered by star of Hong Kong reality TV, Herman. A renowned chain-smoking capuchin who once went into orbit around the moon for a month courtesy, of the Russian space federation.” The press release added a five star review by “The president of China’s neighbour North Korea, Kim Jong-un, who described the circus as being just like a real Planet Of The Apes. In a tent” As a footnote its also mentioned that “if the house band gets through quarantine they will be a flamenco group made up of rescue apes” which is very commendable! Monkey Magic sounds like it’ll be a real hoot, just like a circus should be. So see you there. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

Beckworth_Chimps on a bike

(Above) Stars of Monkey Magic, bike-riding sisters Shu, Ting, and Blanks

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