I’m very proud to announce that local manufacturerer Elastic Plastic Ltd has today unveiled a unique celebratory new Labour Leader commemorative keepsake comissioned by the far left of the party. Based on the design of a classic swiss clock, the crudely-painted 99% diecast plastic (non-working) objet dart is limited to just 250,0015 pieces Worldwide and features many of Comrade Corbyn’s favourite things… renationalised steam trains, acorns, flowers, gaslights etc all moulded onto the faux timepiece. The details are exquisite such as opening doors at the top that reveal a life-like model of Jeremy himself wearing his favourite red coat and carrying a miner’s lamp, the cast rubber Karl Marx pendulum and the non-moving clock hands, which look as if they’ve gone on strike. It’s available at the Labour conference and from the party’s website, for only £376.78 (plus postage). Get one, or two, while you can. Congratulations to our local sweatshop for producing such a must have heirloom of the future. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

(Above) The beautiful Made-in-Beckworth Commemorative Comrade Corbyn Clock