Pantomime season is almost within sight and in readiness of Christmas The Beckworth Players are holding open auditions for this year’s theatrical pantomime extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent to play some minor roles in our much anticipated 2016 panto. Could there be a part in it you? To be honest probably not, but the auditions are a good laugh for us judges. But what of the panto I hear you ask…. Well, for five or six nights around Christmas we will be putting on an original festive performance very loosely based on the story of Cinderella. In our story, written and directed by Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood, poor Cinders is left at home whilst her ugly sisters, played by Paul’s ex-colleagues Mel and Sue, go off to bake in a big tent. The panto is called Cindella’s Soggy Bottom, but I won’t give the ending away… Just to say Cinders, played by Fearne Cotton (a last minute replacement for Mary Berry who currently isn’t talking to her son Paul), ends up secretly winning the Channel 4 sponsored Bake Off… Then the Prince who’s judging it, played by Mr Hollywood, sets off to find the secret baker…  All the good parts have already been taken by key members but we will still need new “talent” for the boring non-speaking parts, the odd dance and baking routine and to sell Paul’s bakery products in the interval. As usual auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to almost anyone, though for gorgeous, slim, young people are preferred, so if you’ve got a face like an angry walrus or take up two seats on the bus don’t waste our time. Paul says he wants to find the next Will Young, Kim Kardashian or Cara Delevingne, preferably with puff-pastry skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own rolling pin.

See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

(Above) Handsome Paul Hollywood with his ugly sisters Mel and Sue