Pantomime season will be upon us before we know it and so this week The Beckworth Players will be holding our annual open auditions for some very minor parts in this year’s theatrical extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2017 panto (details to be released soon!). Is stardom waiting for you? If so why not audition… All the good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, but we still need new talent for the parts no one else wants to do. Auditions will be held in our repainted rehearsal space above Chiswicks – The Fishmongers and are open to anyone who’s a feast for the eyes and the ears, so if your best years are behind you or your voice makes young children cry don’t waste our time. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be over 18 or at least look it.

See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

Pantomime season is here and The Beckworth Players 2016 panto, Cinderella’s Soggy Bottom. Very loosely based on the story of Cinderella, it’s been written and directed by Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood. Poor Cinders is left at home whilst her ugly sisters, played by Paul’s ex-colleagues Mel and Sue, and opens this Wednesday night. Once again my close friend Gary Barlow, with his band Take That, will be playing all the music (actually miming) live each night. Jeremy Corbin will be playing the handsome Prince who searches for Cinders after she disappear’s from the Bake Off tent leaving a wooden spoon behind her. This year we’ve taken over the scout hut for the productions and turned it into a magical “theatre”. Due to a lot of adult orientated content and swearing the show is for over 18s only. We’ll be doing shows most nights until early January and tickets are on sale from the box-office and the local bakers, but be quick as they’re selling like hot cakes. See you at the shows, Chico (producer)

(Above) A clearly delighted Jeremy Corbyn in his panto costume earlier today

Pantomime season is almost within sight and in readiness of Christmas The Beckworth Players are holding open auditions for this year’s theatrical pantomime extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent to play some minor roles in our much anticipated 2016 panto. Could there be a part in it you? To be honest probably not, but the auditions are a good laugh for us judges. But what of the panto I hear you ask…. Well, for five or six nights around Christmas we will be putting on an original festive performance very loosely based on the story of Cinderella. In our story, written and directed by Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood, poor Cinders is left at home whilst her ugly sisters, played by Paul’s ex-colleagues Mel and Sue, go off to bake in a big tent. The panto is called Cindella’s Soggy Bottom, but I won’t give the ending away… Just to say Cinders, played by Fearne Cotton (a last minute replacement for Mary Berry who currently isn’t talking to her son Paul), ends up secretly winning the Channel 4 sponsored Bake Off… Then the Prince who’s judging it, played by Mr Hollywood, sets off to find the secret baker…  All the good parts have already been taken by key members but we will still need new “talent” for the boring non-speaking parts, the odd dance and baking routine and to sell Paul’s bakery products in the interval. As usual auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to almost anyone, though for gorgeous, slim, young people are preferred, so if you’ve got a face like an angry walrus or take up two seats on the bus don’t waste our time. Paul says he wants to find the next Will Young, Kim Kardashian or Cara Delevingne, preferably with puff-pastry skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own rolling pin.

See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

(Above) Handsome Paul Hollywood with his ugly sisters Mel and Sue