Category Archives: Chico S. Whitby
Fabulously Successful Auditions Now Closed
Don’t Miss The Virtual Panto Auditions This Week And Next
Howdy fun seekers… Pantomime season will be upon us before we know it and so this week and next The Beckworth Players will be holding our annual open auditions. You, the dear untalented public, can apply for some very minor parts in this year’s not-to-be-missed theatrical extravaganza Jack & The Beansprout. Yes, from this Thursday or Friday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2017 panto (admittedly a scaled back production, which may or may not be online only…). Is stardom waiting for you? If so why not audition… Needless to say the few good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, but we still need new talent for the parts no one else wants to do. Auditions will be held via Zoom and are open to anyone who’s not been touched by the ugly stick or eaten all the mince pies, so if you’re past your prime or have a voice that makes people vomit please don’t waste our time. So please zoom us and show us your talent. You must be over 18 or at least look it.
See you Thursday, Chico (producer)
Panto Auditions
Pantomime season will be upon us before we know it and so this week The Beckworth Players will be holding our annual open auditions for some very minor parts in this year’s theatrical extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2017 panto (details to be released soon!). Is stardom waiting for you? If so why not audition… All the good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, but we still need new talent for the parts no one else wants to do. Auditions will be held in our repainted rehearsal space above Chiswicks – The Fishmongers and are open to anyone who’s a feast for the eyes and the ears, so if your best years are behind you or your voice makes young children cry don’t waste our time. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be over 18 or at least look it.
See you Thursday, Chico (producer)
Panto Opens Wednesday, And Tickets Are Going Fast
Pantomime season is here and The Beckworth Players 2016 panto, Cinderella’s Soggy Bottom. Very loosely based on the story of Cinderella, it’s been written and directed by Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood. Poor Cinders is left at home whilst her ugly sisters, played by Paul’s ex-colleagues Mel and Sue, and opens this Wednesday night. Once again my close friend Gary Barlow, with his band Take That, will be playing all the music (actually miming) live each night. Jeremy Corbin will be playing the handsome Prince who searches for Cinders after she disappear’s from the Bake Off tent leaving a wooden spoon behind her. This year we’ve taken over the scout hut for the productions and turned it into a magical “theatre”. Due to a lot of adult orientated content and swearing the show is for over 18s only. We’ll be doing shows most nights until early January and tickets are on sale from the box-office and the local bakers, but be quick as they’re selling like hot cakes. See you at the shows, Chico (producer)
(Above) A clearly delighted Jeremy Corbyn in his panto costume earlier today
Pantomime Auditions This Week
Pantomime season is almost within sight and in readiness of Christmas The Beckworth Players are holding open auditions for this year’s theatrical pantomime extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent to play some minor roles in our much anticipated 2016 panto. Could there be a part in it you? To be honest probably not, but the auditions are a good laugh for us judges. But what of the panto I hear you ask…. Well, for five or six nights around Christmas we will be putting on an original festive performance very loosely based on the story of Cinderella. In our story, written and directed by Bake Off‘s Paul Hollywood, poor Cinders is left at home whilst her ugly sisters, played by Paul’s ex-colleagues Mel and Sue, go off to bake in a big tent. The panto is called Cindella’s Soggy Bottom, but I won’t give the ending away… Just to say Cinders, played by Fearne Cotton (a last minute replacement for Mary Berry who currently isn’t talking to her son Paul), ends up secretly winning the Channel 4 sponsored Bake Off… Then the Prince who’s judging it, played by Mr Hollywood, sets off to find the secret baker… All the good parts have already been taken by key members but we will still need new “talent” for the boring non-speaking parts, the odd dance and baking routine and to sell Paul’s bakery products in the interval. As usual auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to almost anyone, though for gorgeous, slim, young people are preferred, so if you’ve got a face like an angry walrus or take up two seats on the bus don’t waste our time. Paul says he wants to find the next Will Young, Kim Kardashian or Cara Delevingne, preferably with puff-pastry skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own rolling pin.
See you Thursday, Chico (producer)
(Above) Handsome Paul Hollywood with his ugly sisters Mel and Sue
Panto Opens Friday
Pantomime season is here and The Beckworth Players 2015 panto, The Lizard Of Aus, opens this Friday night. Very loosely based on the Disney film, and soundtrack, The Wizard Of Oz it stars my close friend Gary Barlow as Dorothy, with his band Take That playing (actually miming) the accompanying music live each night. James Cordan is returning to the UK to play the “Thin Man”, Bake-Off‘s Paul Hollywood is the “Bird Scarer”, and Cheryl Fernandez-Volcano plays the “Lioness”. We’ve taken over the scout hut for the productions and turned it into a magical “theatre”. Due to some adult orientated content and swearing the show is for over 18s only. We’ll be doing shows most nights until early January and tickets are on sale from the box-office and the local bakers, but be quick as they’re selling like hot cakes. See you at the shows, Chico (producer)
(Above) Our leading lady Gary Barlow thoroughly relishing his five minutes of fame
Pantomime Auditions Next Week
Pantomime season is almost upon us and in the spirit of yuletide The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for some very minor, yet glamorous, parts in this year’s dramatic extravaganza. Next Tuesday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2015 panto, The Lizard Of Aus. Could this be you? For five or six nights around Christmas we will be putting on our original festive performance very loosely based on the Disney film, and soundtrack, The Wizard Of Oz. We’ve made enough changes to get around copyright issues, the rewrite was quickly done for us by acting legend, and star of a few pantos herself, Dame Maggie Smith. The script promises, in Dame’s words, to be truly wonderful! I’ve written some great new songs about lizards and Australia with my close friend Gary Barlow. Gary will take the lead role playing Dorothy, a childhood ambition he told me, and his band Take That will play the accompanying music live each night (Or maybe mime). We’ve secured Pierce Brosnan to direct the panto (his first time directing), James Cordan to play the “Thin Man”, Bake-Off‘s Paul Hollywood is the “Bird Scarer”, Cheryl Cole (or whatever she’s called these days) will play the “Lioness”, Katie Price is our “Right Bitch”, the “Wicked Bitch of the North is TV’s Holly Willoughby, and Peter Andre will star as the ballroom-dancing “Australian Lizard”. Understandably all the best parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players but we will still need new talent for the boring non-speaking parts, the occasional dance, a bit of backing-singing and to sell snacks and drink in the interval. Please bring a torch, or candle, as auditions will be held in a small unlit garage behind the launderette as our rehearsal space above Chiswicks’ The Fishmongers is being fumigated. We’ve a part in the performance to suit almost anyone of every gender, colour and sexual preference. But let’s face it we really only want Beckworth’s most attractive, single, young people. So if you’re over 25 or need a crane to get in and out of the bath don’t waste our time. Pierce says he wants to find the next Sam Smith and Adele, preferably with acting skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and be hot. See you next Tuesday, Chico (producer)
(Above) Peter Andres’s amazing panto costume, kindly made by his ex-wife Jordan
Panto Postponed Until Next Week
Many apologies but this weekend’s performances of our pantomime Jamie Oliver In Fairy Liquid Land are being postponed due to the main female character (Baron Wurst) being taken poorly just hours after last night’s show. Leading (wo)man Benjamin Cumberland (star of Dr Who and famed sausage heir) was struck down in the green room with a case of the sniffles and has taken to her/his bed. Unfortunately his/her understudy, Vanessa Feltz is away on holiday so is unable to step into the breach until Monday at the soonest. Sorry for any inconvenience. Tickets for the cancelled performances will probably be valid for future shows. If not tickets are available on the door for this sold out show. Thanks Chico (producer)
(Above) Ben Cumberland dressed as Baron Wurst early yesterday
Pantomime Auditions This Week
Pantomime season is just around the corner and in the spirit of Christmas The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for some very minor parts in this year’s theatrical extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2014 panto. Is this you? For five nights around Christmas we will be putting on an original festive performance very loosely based on the Charles Dicken’s film Oliver and the life and recipes of the nations favourite TV chef, Jamie Oliver OBE. The panto, titled Jamie Oliver In Fairy Liquid Land, was written by Jamie himself (with help from his close friend Gordon Ramsay) and Mr Oliver will direct and produce the performance. Sponsored by Fairy Liquid (a chef’s best friend) the script promises, in Jamie’s words, to be Pucker! And who are we to doubt him? All the good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, with local busking singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran set to play Jamie and Eastenders‘ Dot Cotton (aka June Brown) playing his long suffering, ever pregnant wife, Jools. But we will still need new talent members for the boring non-speaking parts, the odd dance and cooking routine and to sell Jamie’s food in the interval. As usual auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to almost anyone. But let’s face it we’re really looking for gorgeous, slim, young people, so if you’re past your sell by date or need a fork-lift to use the loo don’t waste our time. Jamie says he wants to find the next Olly Murs and Cheryl Cole (or whatever she’s called these days) preferably with catering skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own chef’s knives.
See you Thursday, Chico (producer)
(Above) Local busker Ed Sheeran hears he is to play Jamie Oliver this Christmas