Hello all. It is wonderful to be able to share with you the news that Prince William and Princess Kate Middleton have given birth to our future heir, the baby boy King Of England. Born at 4.30 this afternoon, just before Noel Edmonds’ Deal Or No Deal, the baby was said “to be a real big bairn” by a Royal aide and to have his Grandfather’s ears. As is usual at Royal births the umbilical chord was cut by the reigning monarch and the baby presented to the hundreds of Royals, courtiers and ministers in attendance. But in a break with tradition the birth video will not be uploaded to youtube (though a commemorative DVD is planned). No news on the name but rumour mongers are saying Neville is the couple’s favourite. Anyway, I will let you know more about the birth when I know. Christine Batley. Chief Royal Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A relaxed Noel Edmonds hosts his popular TV quiz
just minutes after the birth of our new King