Breaking David Cameron news just in… The Sunday Times newspaper has just released more details of the Tory faithful who “helped” Mr Dave in office and who are likely to be “thanked” in his latest honours list… One of the 943 new conservative peerages is said to be local lad, Mohammed Barnsley, who for many months has been delivering daily papers, “amateur photography” mags and comics to the Cameron’s third home here in Beckworth. If the peerage comes true it will certainly be a great day for the town, and a morale boost for all the plucky paper-round lads and lasses around the country. If he is elected to the “House Of Lords” 11 year old Master Barnsley would be one of the youngest right-wing Lords ever. I’ll keep you posted if i get more honours list news… Christine Batley, Deputy Chief Cash For Honours Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

(Above) An artist’s impression of young Master Barnsley dressed as a Lord