Big news in Beckworth is the rumour that local girl, and the voice of Iceland, Kerry Katona, is the BBC’s favoured actress to play the next Dr Who. Kerry, a fine singer, actress and party hostess (with her own line of small party nibbles) has been quoted as saying “They’d be ****in’ crazy not to choose me. I’ve got the ****in’ lot. The looks, the brains and I could sing all those ****in’ aliens to death” Let’s hope the BBC announce Ms Katona’s appointment very soon as she’s already out spending her potential earnings.

Christine Batley. Chief Showbiz Reporter. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) A paparazzi snap of Kerry allegedly modelling Dr Who’s new look on set