Nil points from our foreign cousins because we left the European Union
In the latest rounds of podcasts, TV appearances, shop openings etc, publicity shy Prince Harry (aka Lord Sussex) has been slagging off his family and his life as a priveleged Royal in order to boost sales of his wife’s debut book The Bench (a glossay of benches). At long last in amongts all the negativity there is one positive… Harry has recpunted to his new best friend friend and confident Oprah Winfrey, how his happiest days of childhood and adulthood have been passing through, or near, to our very own town of Beckworth…
Sadly due to continuing Covid restrictions
Hello all, thanks again for voting me back as Mayor. It is a well deserved position for me to be back filling, after a gap of 4 long years, because I am currently on sick leave from my job as an environmental street clean operative. I promised to overturn many of the previous Tory mayor’s heinous selfish acts, and true to my word first up is to clean and reinstate the majestic 12″ Terry Nutkin statue which once graced the alcove outside the The John & Yoko Room in The Town Hall. It was commissioned by yours truly a fair few years ago and for the past 4 has been gathering dust in a drawer. Now the diminutive tourist attraction will be back where it belongs… And when the town hall reopens you’ll get to see it. But please do not touch it. Thanks G. Grimsby. Mayor
Hello Beckworth. It’s your glorious Mayor here… Don’t forget tomorrow, the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market) will be back in town. All sellers have been in quaranteen & tested daily for a couple of weeks whilst staying at the local campsite, so are Covid free. This is the first chance to buy expensive french cheeses and onions directly from stall-holders and to be abused in two languages. Last years online event was sadly a debacle not to be repeated. Cheese doesn’t travel well in the post from France… Due to social distancing we will be limiting numbers entering the market and queueing systems will be in place… Alcohol will be prohibited offered due to previous drunken incidents by a rowdy few.
As is traditional (face mask wearing) Emmental Fromagiers will set off from from Town Hall steps at 10am on Sunday and parade along Floyd Street to the market.
If the weather perks up (it doesn’t feel like Spring, April has been so cold) there will be events for the whole family (maximum six members excluding small animals). Socially distanced morris dancing by The Beckworth Bothamers is likely, but there’ll be no clacking of sticks or such interaction between them. A kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds is very likely as Noel says he needs the publicity and of course the highlight of the afternoon will be the crowning of Beckworth’s Miss Garlic 2021 (He crown and robes will be thrown to her or him from a safe distance (2 metre plus).
This year the “now all electric” steam-driven carrousel and dodgems” will be for viewing only from a safe distance, as will Flintlock Farm’s Mobile (Non)Petting Zoo. Derek Shipston’s (non-violent, non-swearing PC) Punch & Judy show is likely to be set up to entertain Covid free children and the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors plan to stage their once popular The Life Of Joan Of Arc at The Sports Field.
Have happy and safe Mayday.Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.