Dear all, support your local establishments and visit them all today.
And if you can’t stay vigilant enjoy the sunshine with your friends and family. Keep 2 meters apart unless you’re in Government in which case the rules don’t apply and it’s ok to visit Durham.
Hello Beckworth. This is your “spreading joy” leader speaking. As you will know May Bank Holiday means your caring council hosting the annual Beckworth MayDay Fish Race, but due to lock-down and the fact we can’t guarantee the fishy contestants keeping two metres apart we have decided the event must happen via the internet. Technology and broadband permitting contestants will be filmed live doing 30 circuits of their trainers baths, with the first past the taps being declared the winner. As it will all be done via “live-streaming” (whatever that is) every Beckworth resident will be able to watch from the comfort of their homes… And remember this year, probably due to Covid 19, bank holiday will be on Friday not Monday.
The event sounds like a lot of fun and a video-call for all the family, and even your cats and pet fish can watch! All race-prepared fishes must be ready to start the race punctually at 9:30 or thereabouts, race colours and unique numbers to paint on the sides of your aquatic entry will be sent by email later this week, and remember all contestants must be videoed pre-race being weighed on kitchen scales. The starter this year will once again be local celeb, and TV’s favourite brick-layer, Nick Knowles (himself a big fan of fish).
Please stay home. Keep well. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.
Hello Beckworth. This is your “now i’m getting tough” leader speaking. It is with a heavy heart that, having taken Police advice I have decided to close all our parks and green spaces. Yesterday thousands of young, middle-aged and old people who should know better literally flooded the local parks, no doubt putting themselves and others at risk. Please stay home. Keep well. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. Mayor.
(Above) An artists impression of Beckworth’s locked park gates