Breaking space age news just in… Local astronaut (and frustrated drummer) Phil Collins has this morning broken the record for the most days and night spent in space. 764 days. Poor Mr Phil was only meant to go into orbit for a week as punishment for annoying his neighbours with his loud drumming and singing, but has been unable to hitch a lift back home to earth. That was until today. His fellow NASA space station astronauts got so fed up with his impromptu “performances” that they personally paid for a rocket to come and pick him up… One was quoted as saying “Whoever reckoned in space no one can hear you drumming, evidently hasn’t been into outer space with this chap!” Mr Collins had a shaky re-entry when his second-hand rocket almost disintegrated but now he’s back on earth Phil says he hopes to get his old band Pink Floyd back together and hit the road. Good luck Phil. Christine Batley. Chief “Space Rock” Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) Phil Collins, the first drummer in space, returning to Earth earlier today