Solstace news just in… Many local fans of dogging and public shows of nudity were disappointed yesterday when there was a no-show of pagan worshipers at the ancient Hammerite standing stones. Crowds of lusting onlookers had arrived early with torches to see the sun rise over the stones and catch glimpses of naughty bits as groups of bearded old men and women were due to dance, sing and fornicate naked amongst the stones to celebrate the winter solstace (The worlds’ shortest day). From before dawn the disgruntled beying audience assembled but sadly no druids, witches, wizards or nutters appeared… In a statement issued later in the day the druids apologised claiming that they’d simply overslept. On a positive note a few did manage to gather earlier this morning to invoke the sun rise, all be it 24 hours late, but due to a frost (and a lack of watching public) kept their clothes on. Commiserations to all who missed this sight, let’s hope for better time keeping next year. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Pagan Worship Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

(Above) Fully dressed druids doing traditional dances to get the sun to rise earlier today