Hello. Just to let you know that this Friday our local sex therapy clinic will be throwing open it’s door as part of the Government’s national Hey Scrounger, Get A Job programme. Those job-seekers who attended the abattoir and prison open-days last year will know it’s likely be a real eye opener and a thrilling day out for all the family (although it is aimed at doleites everyone is indeed welcome). The clinic is internationally famed for being at the forefront of “sexual healing” catering for individuals, couples and larger groups (they offer a discount for 6 or more people). It’s popularity has meant it’s become a magnet for oddballs with hang-ups and disfunctions “downstairs” and put Beckworth on the sexy problem map. “People come from all corners of the globe, from Spain to Scunthorpe, to be sexually councelled by the mustachioed counsellors Barry and Paul Chuckle” a regular client from the world of showbiz told me. I’ll be going as I’m desperate to know what it’s like to have problems with sex. My only problem is not getting enough!!! So why not join me from 9am on Friday and watch the Chuckle brothers as they cure people in front of our eyes, maybe we’ll see someone famous getting their “Mr Floppy” seen to. Their receptionist Joanna Lumley says the brothers are promising to have something for everyone, including therapy sessions, group “role play” (kinky!) and “hands-on” demonstrations which i’m keen to help out with. There’s also bingo in the afternoon and “pin the penis on a pervert” for the under fives. It really will be magical, so see you there.
More local employers are promising similar open days so keep watching this space. Ruth Freshford. Manager. JobCentrePlus
(Above) The Chuckle brothers discussing one of their highly confidential sex therapy cases whilst dressed smartly on a visit to their Mum’s house