Hello all. Thank you to all those who attended the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market), you made it a roaring success, and for once there was no fighting. Congratulations to Eva Bicester, who was crowned Miss Garlic 2013 between downpours, and to local celeb Noel Edmunds, who put on a wonderful display of aerial dexterity despite losing two kites due to strong winds. A big thanks goes to the waste operatives who cleared up all the horse s*** from the scout hut after all the historical re-enactors had buggered off to the pub.

G. Grimsby. Mayor