Dear all, just a quick message as I rush off to the Voice studios for tonight’s live final. We need your votes more than ever to help Jack-Agoogoo win tonight, because in a bout of paranoia the BBC have replaced my friends and family as vote counters with a ruddy computer (which we all know can go wrong). So please plesae please vote for my cousin Jack. He deserves to win if only to get more lucrative gigs in the future.

Thansk Nelly, Jack-Agoogoo’s manager

(Above) Jack relaxes pre-show with host of The Voice, Holly Willoughby