Dear Prof Cox Why Do We Celebrate Halloween These Days?

Hello to my Coxettes, it’s your gorgeous, yet scarily dressed Prof Brian Cox here, and although i’m rather busy getting ready to attend a celebs only Halloween party i’m finding time to write you this missive… Why you might ask? Well, i’ve been inundated with tens of emails, a postcard and text message, asking the same question; “Why do we celebrate Halloween? How come we didn’t celebrate it until a few years ago? And what’s the origin of Trick & Treating” To be frank, the latter question is all down to greedy supermarkets, i’ll explain why in a bit but first i’ll answer why we celebrate Halloween… To be factually accurate we are in fact celebrating All Hallows Eve, which began in pre-historical times (otherwise called the dark ages because there was no electric light or candles)…  On this eve simple folk would celebrate the end of harvest. But why all hallows eve I hear you chorus… well a hallow was a type of cart used to carry the pumpkin harvest in and traditionally, as decreed in the Bible’s Old Testament, the driver was a woman called Eve. In essence it was Harvest Festival by another name, but the only food being given to the poor was pumpkins (potatoes hadn’t been invented yet so the orange veg was all anyone had to eat). Due to the clocks changing, nights getting dark early and no TV to distract them people began the tradition of playing horrible tricks on each and this soon gained nationwide popularity. Historical records tell us that over the centuries the tricks got so dangerous that it became enshrined in law that if you didn’t die due to a trick being played on you then you deserved a treat… Ancient parchments tell us treats were mainly alcoholic and ended in fights. And often death (which is why kids dress up as ghosts). In the end the King, Oliver Cromwell, denounced the vulgarity of All Hallows Eve in the 1860s and banned ”Trickery & treatering” due to it’s devil-worshipping inclinations. As a way around this, and to get peasants into church, the leader of the Catholic Church Pope Norris The Second intervened (he hated Mr Cromwell). He renamed the debauchery Harvest Festival which proved very popular, especially the consumption of the free food and drink in churches which led to an outbreak of mass fornicating and a huge increase in the UK birth rate. So sadly all hallows eve fell out of favour… That was until a few years ago when supermarket bosses were looking at ways to boost sales in pre-Christmas Autumn (and they also wanted to cease the practice of free food and drink in churches), so they rediscovered All Hallows Eve, spent millions on advertising pumpkins, sweets and naff costumes even gave it the new name Halloween… So there you have it, supermarkets are the reason we celebrate Halloween and trick or treating… Which reminds me i’d better hurry round to my pal Graham Norton‘s house as we’re going on the bus together to Jonathan Ross‘ famed celeb only Halloween party… See you soon, and keep the faith (by buying some of my merchandise). Ta ta, Prof Brian Cox.

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